Is circumcision like a drug deal?

As I explained in my post last night, I only recently came to realize what the term “Intactivism” means. I really haven’t looked more into it, until today, when I experienced my first circumcision debate with a Truck full of men…

Let me break it down for you…

So. G and I went with is brother, B, to pick up one of his friends, who I will call S. So, S is a nursing student [which if you met the guy you would never guess that, but his mom is a nurse at Sick Kids Hospital, so I guess he is just following family footsteps?] He is currently doing a co-op placement at a hospital in a Maternity Ward. So he was talking about all the stuff he gets to see and etc, because I guess he figured out of everyone, I would be the one person who would be uber intrigued.

Not sure how we got on the topic, but circumcision came up. [I probably brought it up, knowing me and my wanting-to-be-controversial-academic-debater-self..] I had asked him if he would circ his baby, and he said “for sure!” because he was. Then B chimed in, that he would also. Their reasoning ranged from cleanliness and disease, to appearance and aesthetics. G stayed silent the whole time, because he isn’t circ, and I’m guessing that he probably felt pretty awkward…. [his younger bro, B, is, and he isn't...seems so strange!]

Anyways…

We ended up dropping them off and the convo got cut short because the baby was freaking out and we had to leave. I told them both I was doing a Twitter shout out to gather resources to help convince them that it isn’t right. [because even if I don't have a son, or am not a man, I know that it is not right....] I got a couple of GREAT links, and can’t wait to pass them on to S.

At 1pm I had a play date with my friend L and her son C. As we were sitting there the thought crossed my head about the debate in the car, and I realized that if we had talked about circ before it probably wasn’t in great detail because I was never as interested as I am now. [i think I am mainly so interested because I want to make sure that when I have a son, I make an informed choice. but seeing as though G isn't, we definitely won't be....but want to have the right tools for conversation with others when I have to explain my decision...]

So I blatantly asked L if C was circ, and she told me the most odd story I have ever heard…and if you read this. Maybe you can comment and tell me why this happened?

She said “yes” and then proceeded to explain how she felt like the whole process was some sort of drug deal. Apparently the Dr came into her hospital room, shut the curtain and said “Tomorrow. 12 o’clock. Bring $200 cash.”

So they did.

They had to pay the doctor $200 cash to perform the circ, as well as an additional $150 to the hospital.

I understand that OHIP doesn’t cover some procedures. So I can understand the fee to the hospital….but the $200 cash to the Dr…that is just SHADY.

Can someone please explain WHY?!

More boob talk....

{**DISCLAIMER: This post is obviously not to offend anyone, and as most subjects that have to do with parenting, it is a touchy one. I am only writing from my heart and fingers about MY PERSONAL OPINION. If you don’t like it, don’t read it….and its kind of a follow up to my “nipple” post, don’t want anyone to get the idea that I’m a formula feeder hater! }
Lactivist. Intactivist.

These were both things which I have never heard of until Twitter [to be completely honest]. These terms never came up in any of my obsessive Google searches. I’m not even going to lie, the first time I saw “Lactivist. Intactivist” I figured out what Lactivist meant but I read the latter as something more like INTA-ACTIVIST. I thought that the person was just trying to rhyme their activism. Then I finally realized that its INTACT-IVIST. Thanks to @Grow_Diego_Grow blog who had an AMAZING post about circumcision [ here].

Since I do not [YET] have a son, and as much as I am anti-circumcision, I’m not going to write an intactivist post [YET, lol]. Instead, I’m going to reach to my inner lactivist and blog about something that I am very familiar with, and very passionate about.

Breastfeeding.

Lately on twitter, I feel like every other day or so, I am stumbling across new posts from various Lactivists [and not] that all are debating on the topic of Breastfeeding vs formula. I know I have briefly explained once before my thoughts on this topic. But I would like to further expand, and share with you the amazing words of other Moms from around the globe. This way I will be able to sleep at night [and focus better on homework] knowing that I said what I have to say!

First of all, let me make one thing clear….I am not ANTI-formula, buy ANY means. I realize that there is a medical reason for some people to use it, whether it be a low/change in milk supply, or whatnot. BUT, it does upset me when some women just choose not to breastfeed at all, because it is what is “convenient” to them or what “helps” them.

When I was pregnant, my thoughts on breastfeeding were very little and few between.

I said “I will do it if I can” and “we will see“.

My interests were more with childbirth, I guess I figured that I would deal with the whole feeding process once the baby had come. I received formula samples [which I didn't ask for] one was actually a CASE, and another was a smaller version of the large tins you can purchase in the store. I also received a lot of bottles [new and used] from people and gift bags for baby registries….and on the flip side also managed to score an abundance of nursing pads, nipple cremes, and other breastfeeding paraphernalia. I never asked for any of this, but I didn’t turn it away. I remember telling G how thankful I was that we had gotten so many bottles, and a sterilizer, because I assumed I would actually use one.

[Note: I have only used a bottle TWICE and both were only a few weeks postpartum, and I pumped so that G could feed N and allow me to sleep.]

I even remember the night I was in labor and packing my bag to head to the hospital in a mad dash, because as per usual, I left everything to the last minute..[and had to take breaks from packing because I was actually trying my hardest not to push at 10cm dilated, but that's something we will leave to my birth story :) ] I even wondered, should I pack one of these “ready-to-use” jarred formulas just in case we need it? But I decided against that. Fast forward: About 3 minutes after giving birth, [after nurses checked the baby, because there was meconium in the fluid] the midwife brought me my baby, told me to take out my breast and offer it. So I did. N latched right away, something that was truly a blessing because many seem to have issues with this. I never stopped, I breastfed on demand, despite people telling me “she should be on a schedule” and that “I need my rest“.

After months of successful breastfeeding [with a hearty supply], I finally donated the jars of formula to a local woman’s shelter. [I still have that dreaded tin in my cupboard...I'm almost afraid to let go because I fear that I might one day need it..which is absurd, but whatever...]

Then I got to thinking.

Why was I so, almost, afraid, of breastfeeding? What intimidated me about such a NATURAL process?

What did I hear while I was pregnant, or before, that had possibly deterred me from not wanting to obsessively Google breastfeeding, or shop for nursing bras or shirts?

I sat and wondered for a while, and then once I had compiled all my data, I kind of realized. My lack of Breastfeeding knowledge came from a lack of support, inspiration and direction. If it weren’t for my midwife, I don’t know if I would be breastfeeding today[,...honestly...its true.]

I had very few friends/acquaintances/family who I could turn to to ask about their experiences with childbirth, breastfeeding, parenting, and etc. I’m not even sure exactly how long my mom breastfed any of my sisters or I. I remember her tandem nursing my younger twin sisters, but I don’t remember them ever being that big when they were, so she couldn’t have nursed for long. Nor did she pump. Because she talks about preparing bottles…So I feel like even her personal breastfeeding experiences were limited. Unfortunately, for some reason [maybe her lack of own experience], my mom didn’t offer a lot, if any, breastfeeding support…and neither did my MIL, or grandma, or anyone in my family.

Before I had the baby, I did reach out to a couple of women who I knew from high school who had children since, I wanted to see what their experiences of pregnancy, childbirth, and postpartum days entailed, and hoped to gain insight and knowledge from what [if any] information I was to receive. Although I hadn’t talked to any in a long time, I still received very welcoming responses and stories [I have yet to meet a woman who doesn't enjoy telling their birthing/parenting stores, even still if it is mostly complaints!].

The first story briefly touched on breastfeeding , “she was hospitilized after we left the hospital twice and I never produced any breat milk for her and I always wonder if I coulve prevented these things by doign the “right thing“”. [Spelling is as it was in the e-mail].And that was all that was mentioned.

The second story read ” I didnt breast feed which helped me a lot cuz in the nights steve cud go and feed the baby. Being a mom is a 24/hr job where the men who work get to punch in and out. I think its only fair if they get up in the night once in a while too cuz its not fair they get perfect sleeps every night and we have to wake up every 3 hours. NO sleep DOES take a tole on ur body and thats when they need to suck it up and help out. Dont forget that. And if u need help, dont be afraid to ask for it. Dont feel like u have to be super mom and get everything done, and clean house etcc.., 10 years from now u wont remember how clean ur house was but how happy u were and its more important u stay sane then trying to get everything done all the time.”

The first, looking back, kind of gives the impression of not-trying/no support/giving up. The second, is kind of the same, along with a bit of lazyness. [NO OFFENSE, just IMO]

And this was the only information I received regarding breastfeeding before I had N, from anything other than “What to Expect When You are Expecting”, which btw, is one of the WORST books ever, and if it wasn’t one of those things people always get for you as soon as you are knocked up, I probably never would have read it/purchased it. [In my case,my mom brought it to me the day I found out about my pregnancy, probably because of the fact that it seems so customary...] Nor will I get it for anyone in the future. Read this funny post about the book here.

No wonder I had such a distorted view. Formula and bottles being shipped out to me, no breastfeeding inspiration [besides nursing pads...]. I heard stories of “not being able to breastfeed” and “how tired I would be if I did“.

I have another friend, who gave birth not too long after me, and she made attempts to breastfeed, but quit after two weeks. She said “the baby didn’t like it“. I also feel like every time I talk about breastfeeding, or breastfeed in front of her, she gets on the defense with excuses/reasons as to why she stopped. But really, I don’t care. I’m kind of sick of hearing excuses…its all I hear at my Momstown playgroups. I read a post about excuses not to formula feed [a play on formula feeding mothers excuses not to breastfeed] and I could not agree MORE with everything said. Its all true. All excuses I have heard in my 7 months of being a mother and being exposed to other mothers.

Another wonderful blog written by a young mom, had another post about the world and how it would be if formula didn’t exist. Babies would die. Natural Selection would be working. Or would it?

Pre-Formula days, there were wet nurses. If you didn’t want to nurse your baby, or lets say you actually medically COULDN’T, there were still people who were available to do it. Although, as this site explains, wet nursing did come to a minor halt after the discovery of the transfer of disease through breastmilk, but now that we have the tools necessary to detect this, wet nursing is making a come back. I LOVE THIS!

Through extensive Google searches and following people on twitter, I have come to find that SOME [I repeat, SOME...] aren’t as “grossed out” at the thought of donating breastmilk to another mother and baby, or even breastfeeding another child who is not your own. A WONDERFUL mother, @Heartsandhandss has/had been pumping after a tragic loss TO KEEP HER SUPPLY AND SHE DONATED IT! This is an amazingly refreshing story which you can read on her blog.

Another mother whom I have found through Googling, is Rainbow Jen-Jen, she and her small group of friends actually cross-nurse each others babies. When one of them isn’t around, or too tired to nurse, another mom will step into the job. :) This is her blog where you can read your stories.

If everyone were to adopt these some of the perspectives which these women above have, babies could continue to be breastfed, no matter what. Milk donation and wet nursing are great solutions for those who can’t breastfeed.

Can’t.

I’m not in the medical profession, so I cannot back up whether or not it is actually truly possible for a woman NOT to be able to produce ANY breastmilk. How can you tell me you can GROW a human being inside you AND NOT be able to produce the milk to help them continue to grow and thrive. IMO, it just doesn’t work.

[I can understand how stress, or another pregnancy, could damper your supply, but even if you loose your supply and have tried for longer than a couple of weeks, I would still consider you a breastfeeding mom, despite having to switch to formula, because it was out of your control.]

Maybe it is because of the lack of support, and the unnecessary and overbearing medical intervention that surrounds birthing process?

Lactation Consultants should be available for EVERY birthing mother. I think that even with a C-Section, mothers should be given the opportunity to TRY to breastfeed shortly after the baby is born, so that they don’t interrupt the natural process of latching, supply, and the entire breastfeeding relationship. More baby friendly hospitals would probably help this… read here on Breastfeeding Canada website.

[One friend had a C-Section and they didn't let her see the baby until 9 hours later, I believe that this could have contributed to the unhealthy nursing relationship that they had...there are pictures of him in an incubator...with a pacifier...which was obviously given to him by the hospital, because she couldn't even see her baby for so long after, AND In my humble opinion, this jeopardized the breastfeeding experience. This is what I mean by unnecessary medical intervention. Maybe if she had been given the opportunity to try to nurse, her nursing relationship would have been different. More "Baby Friendly" health services need to be available!!]

Accustomed Chaos wrote a post that makes me scared to even post mine. [ actually...just read all of theses posts, she writes too many good things about formula and breastfeeding,here is #1, and #2]She explains how some Lactivists can go to far, and somewhat bash formula mothers, some of which had no choice but to use formula.

This is true. I don’t want to seem like I’m bashing formula mothers.

I’m NOT. My only problem is when people don’t want to breastfeed, or don’t try. Its a hard process for everyone and its not really fair that some should be so lazy selfish.

So I guess, my conclusion is, that I appreciate the value of formula, for its ability to save the life of an infant when breastmilk doesn’t exist isn’t available…

But it kind of bothers me when Moms don’t even try or give up the struggle.

BUT, for some reason, as much as it upsets me….I don’t really BLAME them, I mean, in today’s society, breastfeeding is something which can be seen as indecent, unnessessary [because of the availablity of formula] and even offending.

Today I read this post, which reaaallly upset me. Its hard to believe that people would actually get ARRESTED for FEEDING THEIR BABIES! Its a shame that something so natural, can just be totally distorted and made out to be a horrid thing.

I think that our intense global-marketplace-of-a-society is to blame for the distored view on breastfeeding…. Because they continue to advertise, send out samples and overall glamourize bottle feeding….because they make MILLIONS if not BILLIONS of dollars for persuading mothers away from the boob.

And when people think its “gross” or that “boobs are for sex”……..grrrrrrr

Don’t even get me fucking started.

Just do me, [and your baby] a favor, at least TRY [for at least a month] to breastfeed your baby…please..

You will thank me one day for telling you to do so.

[p.s. This sat in my Draft posts for a week or so, I was too scared to post it... I guess its a good thing no one reads my blog, as The Feminist Breeder suggested in her post today...I am counting my stars.. ]