Dough for my bun

*Sigh*

So I had a couple of weird dreams the other night…I always dream a couple times a night (at least once), and they are aways very vivid and full of strange things or people. There are usually things which I dream about constantly, like this one place that kind of reminds me of Diagon Alley from Harry Potter (a cobblestone road with lots of shops lining the streets, but not big enough for cars, nor do I eve see a car..)with a giant lighthouse with winding stairs and elevators all around it, in the middle of everything, and its so tall I’m always scared to go near it, and surrounding all of this “city” or “town” are a bunch of cliffs and water, that reminds me a lot of the Perry Sound area in Northern Ontario. I have yet to look up what any of these things mean….so I will do it now. Quickly cut and paste from dreammoods.com..first site to appear on Google (lol, typical for me), so please don’t mind the random text differences…

Lighthouse: To see a lighthouse in your dream, indicates that you are seeking guidance during a difficult and tumultuous time.

Stairs: To see spiral or winding stairs, signify growth and/or rebirth

Cliffs : To dream that you are standing at the edge of a cliff, indicates that you have reached an increased level of understanding, new awareness, and a fresh point of view. You have reached a critical point in your life and cannot risk losing control. Alternatively, it suggests that you are pondering a life-altering decision.

water: To see water in your dream, symbolizes your unconscious and your emotional state of mind. Water is the living essence of the psyche and the flow of life energy. It is also symbolic of spirituality, knowledge, healing and refreshment. To dream that water is boiling, suggests that you are expressing some emotional turmoil. Feelings from your unconscious are surfacing and ready to be acknowledged.�You need to let out some steam.�To see calm, clear water in your dream, means that you are in tune with your spirituality. It denotes serenity, peace of mind, and rejuvenation.

Its creepy that although I have no intentions to every go to sleep dreaming of this place, I usually end up there, and according to dreammoods.com (not 100% sure on the reliability of the site..but,) there seems to be a consisitant theme going on here…

Which brings me to my latest crazy dream that I vividly remember. The first half, i was at the doctors and he was telling me that I was anywhere from 14 to 18 weeks pregnant. Iguess that it could be coming from my subconscious because I am constantly worried that I actually am. We only use Condoms as birth control, and for some reason, I just don’t trust them, lol, and plus…there was this ONE time. (literally ONE..) But anyways, scared the crap out of me. Then I went back to sleep and continued to dream about growing this very long ivy-vine-sort plants, which were so green and full of life that I kept saying to everyone I should have gone to school for Botany instead of Political Science (LMAO!) So I’ve been scared to even look up what any of these means, because I just don’t want it to be a sign from my body that I am pregnant. Scratch that…maybe I do want it to be a sign?

Not a very effective pregnancy test, (lol, I should just get a real one, but you know…) but lets see what Dreammoods.com has to say about what was running through my head.

Pregnant: To dream that you are pregnant, symbolizes an aspect of yourself or some aspect of your personal life that is growing and developing. You may not be ready to talk about it or act on it. Being pregnant in your dream may also represent the birth of a new idea, direction, project or goal. Alternatively, if you are trying to get pregnant, then the dream may be a wish fulfillment. If you are not trying to get pregnant, but dream that you are, then it symbolizes fear of new responsibilities (WHEW! thats a relief…kinda?)

and funny thing, they don’t have any interpretations for dreams about Plants, Ivy or Botany…sooo I guess that just means I’m plain weird…or obsessed with plants deep down inside…

Not sure how to take the whole dream, because really, deep down inside, as much as I don’t want to admit it out loud, or even type it….I kinda do want to get preggers again. So I’m scared that this dream was like a sign of just HOW bad I actually want it.

Most people probably think I’m crazy (except maybe the Duggar family from 19 Kids and Counting on TLC….) because I just had a baby 5 months ago and having two babies under 2 would probably be a handful…I even think I’m crazy…there are 3 reasons why I shouldn’t get pregs right now…

1. I should enjoy every moment of Nia and her baby days
2. My partner “doesn’t want” another baby, one is plenty for him (although how much work do guys really have to do when it comes to the baby? )
3. I still have at least a year and a half left of my degree, adding another baby would make that into about 2 and a half…

So…..yea, I don’t know I’m so lost in my own head about this one. I think about it almost as much as I think about how much I love my baby N. I think thats what makes me want to do it all over again, I look at her and I think “wow” (thats not even the best way to describe it, but if you are a mom you will know what I mean), I just want a million more little people running around who need me and love me, and will always be there for me (at least until they are about 12…) I guess we will just have to wait and see what kind of path life unfolds…and hope that I get a bigger bed soon so that if I do have baby #2, we can have a big enough family bed since I’m so addicted to co-sleeping. (but thats another rant in its own…)

Until next time.

R Xoxo