Lone Wolf

I just got back from Momstown baby babble. My 3rd event with Momstown, 2nd baby babble. I really like the baby babble because you get together at someones house, so its comfy and free (and you don’t have to worry about people staring at the group of you like a bunch of clucking hens!). There are babies from 8 weeks to 11 months, and the babies play around while the moms shoot the crap shit. (You kind of have to swear using that line..it sounds funny) There were 3 other moms who I had not met at the last gathering, so it was a bit f a different mix. The more people got talking, the more I didn’t….. I know my parenting practices aren’t “normal” according to most, but I wouldn’t have thought it could separate me so much from other Moms. However, it get to the point where I really just feel out-of-place. It bothers me because I would think that just being with moms would satisfy me enough, but I have come to realize that it doesn’t. This is not to say that I am not going to continue going, because I do have fun, and enjoy talking about MOST things. I just don’t really talking about a few things…..

a. My birthing choice/practice

b. Co-sleeping

c. CIO (cry it out)

One lady brought up the whole labour/delivery topic, and she said something along the lines of “From the beginning, I wanted an epidural, I didn’t want to be one of those women who tried to sound tough by saying I wanted it natural.” Which a lot of mos responded to with “Oh, I know!” . This made me not even want to offer my story to the group because I was “one of those women”. I have a compelling need to share my story and experience, but after those comments, I figured it would be taken as “gloating”, or “showing off”. I know that no one would have said anything or acted any different becuase they are a very welcoming bunch of women. But as a woman myself, I know that there would be comments made within each of their own heads, as well as (Im sure) nurmerous comments to husbands and etc. “Oh, this girl was there, couldn’t have been older than 19, and she did it ALL NATURAL. Was she CRAzY!”. Call me paranoid, but I’m sure they all go home and talk about me anyways, I mean, when DH gets home I always tell him about everyone else, so why wouldn’t they be talking about me too? Not to mention, I am not only the only “natural” birthing woman, but also the only cloth diaper user, babywearing, co-sleeping mama. And I look 12 just to make it better…but they know I am in Univeristy (they don’t know what year tho) so they have to know I’m over 18. Oh and did I mention I’m the only one who has to talk about my “boyfriend” everyone else is clearly married…

So anyways, then as conversation kept going on, we started to talk about where babies slept. Most have them in separate rooms, except the two whose babies are only 8 weeks, and me.. One lady mention that she did co-sleep until 6 months but, she swore she ‘would never do that again. Another lady (the same one who brought up the birth stories) said that she had a friend who still sleeps with her 1 1/2 year old and she “didn’t know how she could do that” and imagine all the problems they will have”. So needless to say, I didn’t even contribute to the conversation…not really worth the hassle of explaining myself, and I’m definitely not one who is going to preach to others about “how amazing it is” or that they “should try it”…thats just not my cuppa hot chocolate. A few minutes after the co-sleeping convo came one about how they got their babies to sleep. Some said they would rock them to sleep but a lot said that they won’t do that because they will get “too used to it” and “always need them to fall asleep” so they just let them cry themselves to sleep, when and if needed….not even going to get into my thoughts on that

*sigh* Why did I end up such an oddball parent?! I always knew I was a little more “granola” or different than most, but I didn’t think it would translate into such extremities as pushing me off of the parenting grid..

Need there be no sadness little one, I have found myself a local group of like-minded women, and I can’t WAIT to go to meet them all this Friday morning. I think it will be really refreshing to meet people who believe in the same things that I do. I hope to walk away with a new sense of confidence in myself and my parenting. I hate comparing myself to others, and I really just like to follow my instinct, but being in these playgroups, I can’t hide from the comparison because all we really talk about it parenting and what we do….so its hard not to compare a littleeeee.

Until Next time,

R. Xoxo

[EDIT: just to clarify, I totally meant to post this on Wednesday...and its now Saturday evening, I could have SWORE i hit publish when I was done.... ]