I haven’t really had the time nor motivation to blog lately. I think Im PMSing…although I haven’t actually got my period back since having N 7 months ago - which I have been told is a lucky thing, because a lot of women I have been talking to got theirs back as 8 weeks?! Not sure about how I lucked out on this one, unless it’s because they are using Birth control, which I can only imagine would effect it..and apparently pacifiers do as well? hmmmm…My period is the least of my concerns right now, and not what I intend to use this wise time blogging about.
Monarchs. Soooooo to fill in the gaps of this story, I’m going to have to rewind to my first day of university, 4 years ago now. I have to take 2 buses to get to my campus, and when I transfer, I have to wait at this open concept bus terminal [which, btw, has NO washroom, which is kind of inconvenient in the middle of a two-hour commute! especially when you drink as many teas as I do/did 
]. So anyhoo, I was waiting for my bus to come and I remember being all scare, more so intimidated…and suddenly from what seemed like no where there were at least 30 to 40 Monarch butterflies swarming over the bus terminal. This shed a happy light on my day, I took it as a sign to myself that I shouldnt be scared and that everything is okay, and more than anything, that I was making the absolute right choice in life, or heading in the right direction. So then fast forward a year and a half later. I took a leap and moved into my first apartment [not far from home!] which was a big step for me considering how close I am to my Mom. At some point not too long after we moved in [which was in February, Valentines day to be exact]. I saw some more Monarchs AGAIN, it stuck out [and therefore made me always remember] because it was a) somewhat colder weather and b) since I had seen soooo many that first day of school and then associated it with the whole “making-the- right- decison-on-my-life- path” idea, so again, I thought, as scary as moving out was and as much as I wanted to go back home to my cozy comfort zone, I was doing the right thing and just to continue forward. [needless to say that was one of the best experiences of my life, and totally wouldn't take back a single day of living there with my amazing roommates [who are still amazing despite the fact that they totally bailed on me, but again, that shall be left for another blog post]. Fast forward again, about a year and a half later, I was pregnant with N, and saw ANOTHER Monarch. Although they were all pretty spaced apart, I felt connected to the Monarch in a weird way, like it was someone flying by me and saying “Hey, you’re okay. Everything happens for a reason”. So needless to say I am a little obsessive with Monarchs…not to the point where I have any sort of statues or pictures or whatever,…..yet….. but I I have considered multiple times getting a tattoo of a monarch added to the one I have on my back as a sort of symbolism for myself, as a reminder of how all hard big changes in my life always happen for the RIGHT reason.
Fast Forward to now. So, I explained in my last post, about how I met and wet to visit that amazing girl AS, well wouldn’t you know that her last name is butterfly in French…but whatever, I didn’t really think much of it…except that it made her comment “I’m obsessed with butterflies” made sense. When she told me that, I was tempted to tell her about my experiences, but didn’t think our first meet and greet would be the appropriate time to talk to her about my weird butterfly thoughts. So, last blog post was Wednesday, and on Thursday I had to take my BFF A to her drivers test [which she passed, btw! yayyy! ]. She took the bus down, and then we walked over to my Moms to pick up the car. On my way to meet her at the bus, I was walking to the lights to cross the street and I saw something fly in front of my stroller, and much to my surprise it was a Monarch! So when A and I met up, I had to tell her alllll about my crazy Monarch stories and what I thought it meant and etc. etc. [and of course I told her about how new friends last name was a weird coincidence as well]. We oohed and ahhhed about it. She mentioned one time for her that she saw hundreds of them flying out of trees up north at her camp and when they told her Grandpa he said it was even more odd to see them now because apparently they are becoming extinct? I haven’t googled this yet for confirmation, lol, but I trust A and her grandpas word. So we oohed and ahhhed some more and went about our day. The next morning, I was going grocery shopping. I was driving and approached a stop light and slowed down, I’m not going to lie I was kind of just staring around kind of gapped out [but don't worry the light was red and I was safely stopped at this point...I'm sure you all assume I'm a horrid driver after reading my "driving with no lights on post" ]. Out of the corner of my eye I sw something red flying at my windshield, nd since I had recently seen Trees with changing leaves, ,I just assumed it was a leaf. I remember thinking “stupid fall” or something like that, until it hit my window and I saw it was another floppin’ MONARCH! I got chills and almost started to cry, because I was thinking how weird and random it was that I actually saw them two days in a row and not even in the same area. Sunday, two days later, I was driving down to my BFF A’s house, and I was driving and again, stopped at light [in a business complex area, by no means a park or wildlife or anything...], and of course, yet another beautiful monarch was flying in front of me. This time, I didn’t cry, or go “wow”, my stomach flipped and I almost threw up. I guess I was so happy that I hd seen so many in such short amount of time that it was triple confirmation that whatever path I am on right now in life is definitely the one that I should be on. OH, and I should also mention that, besides the story that A told me, everyone I have talked to about this experience actually says that they haven’t seen a butterfly in a long time, which makes me feel even more special :0 [And, just to make it even more weird, I saw yet another monarch just today while I was driving with my sister!...
I told my sister this story at the beginning of the week and she was reminding me about how ladybugs were thought to be a symbol of My Great-Grandma. When she passed away my Dad and Step-Mom drove out to clean out her apartment and apparently the entire place was covered in Ladybugs. So at her funeral, and since, this has been considered a symbol of her. The next day, as I was bringing in the baby from the car, I looked down and noticed that a lady bug had gotten on to her head! I tried to let it outside, but it must have fell into a part of the car seat because it ended up flying around the apartment for a while. I just let it be J I feel like it was my Great-Grandma coming to visit her Great-Great-Granddaughter.
So a tonne of symbolism is going down in my life right now and I’m not really sure what it’s trying to tell me. My assumption is that the changes which are happening in my life that I should be open to are; meeting AS, going to my Mom playgroups [Momstown and Red Tent], getting closer with BFF A, the decision to stay on track towards my law/masters degree….
Maybe these signs are also trying to tell me that I am being a good person by letting G’s friend P stay with us for 4+ WEEKS. This would be the pain in my ass part to my blog. Anyone who follows me on twitter will know that this has been an ongoing issue that has been contributing to my stress [and also to my inability to blog...or paint...or pee with the bathroom door open..]…
Hopefully I can contain myself to a shorter rant, but, I highly doubt that will be the case because the whole situation is, [pardon me for cursing] STRESSING ME THE FUCK OUT. *sigh* and TRUST me, I make this very clear on a daily basis to G. I haven’t said anything to P yet, but I feel like its crossing a line or something…although what the EFF am I saying, I’m not crossing ANY line, if anything HE is crossing the line….let me lay it down for you [and can you tell I’m mad because when do I ever write in all capitals....at least so far in this blog post 
]
- When he first came down from where he lives [about 3 hours North] G told me that he would be staying with his Mom [my MIL] so I thought, okay, cool, no big deal….
- At first, he was always willing to help with the baby or dinner…now he just sits there like lump on a log saying he is tired [ummm, you and G do the same job, and he isn’t just sitting there...]
- I have to feed him, and he eats a lot. I have spent $180 on groceries the past 2 weeks, and feed him a GOOD meal every night [none of that frozen crap, I make chicken with fresh mashed potatoes gravy and corn, or some other delicious dinner from scratch]
- As a mom, you will know that showering is a luxury; around here I only get to do it every couple of days. Well wouldn’t you know that since G and P come home from work and BOTH shower EVERYDAY, by the time I go to have mine, there isn’t a single clean towel. AND today, when there FINALLY was a clean towel and the baby was napping so I actually had free time to just stand there and feel the hot water on me…and wash my hair….and, OH, wait, THERE IS NO SHAMPOOOOOO. And btw, G and P both have shaved heads…and when I called them out on it they TOTALLY admitted that they used all my shampoo…[I actually cried in the shower because I was soooo upset that my shower was ruined....or at least, not as enjoyable]
- We went to the laundry mat the other day, and he was rushing G to help me [and by rushing I mean standing outside the laundry mat staring and smoking cigarettes....] so that G could drive him ACROSS THE PLAZA to a store….and after that, he kept reading the time on the dryer and saying “*sigh* 10 more minutes!? “.Even my friend A had come with us this time and was noticing how ANNYOYING he was becoming! She was pretty much disgusted with the way that he was acting and said something along the lines of “It’s almost like since he is a bad Dad, he expects that G will be a bad one too. Maybe he is almost jealous of how good of a Dad G is….” Even when I was trying to fold the clothes [so they would not be too wrinkly when we finally got a chance to put them away at home. G told me to do whatever, and A was like “yea there is no rich” and then P was like “yea....no rush at all...” and just by the tone of his voice I could tell that he was being sarcastic. I looked to see his facial expression to confirm the sarcasm, and sure enough he was just finishing up a HUGE EYE ROLL! Well this totally rubbed me the wrong way, because honestly who is he to say if we are taking too long or not? We have shit to do, and you are a guest in our house. End of story. If you don’t want to come with us or stay with us, there are plenty of buses, and your legs work just fine. [Side note: another reason why it bugs me soooo much that P asks G to drive him around is because when I don’t walk to borrow my mom’s car, I usually walk or bus EVERYWHERE....WITH A BABY...and he can’t even walk across the plaza to the store...he needs to use OUR GAS, and OUR TIME....FUCK THAT! – sorry, but profanity is not easy to withhold from these stories because REALLY, this just makes me SOOO ANGRY...] SO Anyways, to finish off the laundry mat story. Since I had seen him rolling his eyes and obviously he was rushing me I just threw all the clothes in garbage bags nd said “fine, FUCK, lets just go”…..so we all pile into the car, and by this point the baby is screaming, and P is all like “GREAT!, now all we need to do it go to the Drug Store!” ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! You just spent a FUCKING hour in the laundry mat complaining about how long we were taking and the Drug Store is LITERALLY across the street. He could have walked there 5 times in the amount of time we were waiting for the clothes. G told him to ask me, because you could tell he didn’t want to go either. I blatantly said NO. And A just looked at me and rolled her eyes…like wtf…
- Did I mention that I feed him every night and he has NEVER washed a single dish. He will sit there and watch G and I argue over who is going to watch the baby and who is going to clean up.
- He’s only provided $140 to compensate for the fact that he eats our food, uses our soap/shampoo, toilet paper, bums cigarettes from G all the time, drinks our hot chocolate and tea…..etc.
- One night, I think the same day we had just got back from the laundry mat, I was sitting in the other room and A was in the Kitchen. P was there as well and he says “Im going to make a hot chocolate” to which i replied…”oh, there isn’t even lot left….” [a.k.a DONT DRINK MY FREAKING HOT CHOCOLATE OR I WILL KILL YOU]. After I said that A said that she saw him take ANOTHER scoop of hot chocolate…therefore leaving me with NONE…..After he drank that, he made a cup of tea….and we had MAYBE enough milk for me to have my morning tea [which I NEED to have in my belly before I can even EAT anything....] then proceeds to make ANOTHER cup….after I said we hardly have enough milk for me n the morning…and USES THE REST OF THE MILK!
I cant continue on! I usually try harder to be more positive, but….this situation obviously aggravates me, but at the same time I kind of [? Kind of..] I feel bad for him. His whole story is, [and as I quickly reviewed his actual story in my head I realized I don’t actually feel that bad for him, but whatever, I will just let you decide for yourself.] He and his girlfriend have been together for 7 years and they have a 3 year old daughter. They were living in Toronto, and had to move because P apparently had people who wanted to kill him? [This is where I started to lose sympathy, because what the hell could you have done to make people want to kill you?! Except after him staying here for 4 weeks, I could maybe see why..] So to avoid his supposed death, the moved up north to a rural city, but not that small. Couldn’t find work. Called G, got a job with G, and now he has been waiting for welfare to come through so that he can get a place. That went through…so now he is “looking” for a place…Which he doesn’t really. He gets his mind set on one place, and gives up looking and then it always falls through. I mean if I had nowhere to live, I would be spending every free second I had trying to find somewhere. But it’s almost as though he is depending on G and I to help him..[G to drive him around, and me to bring up sites with advertisements and practically read them to him....]
Well….what more can I say? Not much, I have other more important things in life to blog about Like the DIY baby wrap and slings I made this week for 30$. Yea! you like the sounds of that don’t you I will post more on that tomorrow since it is now 1:10 a.m and I want to get at LEAST 8 hours sleep before I have to take care of a baby for 12 hrs straight…I’m sure you understand.
Until next time,
R X0x0
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