Is circumcision like a drug deal?

As I explained in my post last night, I only recently came to realize what the term “Intactivism” means. I really haven’t looked more into it, until today, when I experienced my first circumcision debate with a Truck full of men…

Let me break it down for you…

So. G and I went with is brother, B, to pick up one of his friends, who I will call S. So, S is a nursing student [which if you met the guy you would never guess that, but his mom is a nurse at Sick Kids Hospital, so I guess he is just following family footsteps?] He is currently doing a co-op placement at a hospital in a Maternity Ward. So he was talking about all the stuff he gets to see and etc, because I guess he figured out of everyone, I would be the one person who would be uber intrigued.

Not sure how we got on the topic, but circumcision came up. [I probably brought it up, knowing me and my wanting-to-be-controversial-academic-debater-self..] I had asked him if he would circ his baby, and he said “for sure!” because he was. Then B chimed in, that he would also. Their reasoning ranged from cleanliness and disease, to appearance and aesthetics. G stayed silent the whole time, because he isn’t circ, and I’m guessing that he probably felt pretty awkward…. [his younger bro, B, is, and he isn't...seems so strange!]

Anyways…

We ended up dropping them off and the convo got cut short because the baby was freaking out and we had to leave. I told them both I was doing a Twitter shout out to gather resources to help convince them that it isn’t right. [because even if I don't have a son, or am not a man, I know that it is not right....] I got a couple of GREAT links, and can’t wait to pass them on to S.

At 1pm I had a play date with my friend L and her son C. As we were sitting there the thought crossed my head about the debate in the car, and I realized that if we had talked about circ before it probably wasn’t in great detail because I was never as interested as I am now. [i think I am mainly so interested because I want to make sure that when I have a son, I make an informed choice. but seeing as though G isn't, we definitely won't be....but want to have the right tools for conversation with others when I have to explain my decision...]

So I blatantly asked L if C was circ, and she told me the most odd story I have ever heard…and if you read this. Maybe you can comment and tell me why this happened?

She said “yes” and then proceeded to explain how she felt like the whole process was some sort of drug deal. Apparently the Dr came into her hospital room, shut the curtain and said “Tomorrow. 12 o’clock. Bring $200 cash.”

So they did.

They had to pay the doctor $200 cash to perform the circ, as well as an additional $150 to the hospital.

I understand that OHIP doesn’t cover some procedures. So I can understand the fee to the hospital….but the $200 cash to the Dr…that is just SHADY.

Can someone please explain WHY?!

More boob talk....

{**DISCLAIMER: This post is obviously not to offend anyone, and as most subjects that have to do with parenting, it is a touchy one. I am only writing from my heart and fingers about MY PERSONAL OPINION. If you don’t like it, don’t read it….and its kind of a follow up to my “nipple” post, don’t want anyone to get the idea that I’m a formula feeder hater! }
Lactivist. Intactivist.

These were both things which I have never heard of until Twitter [to be completely honest]. These terms never came up in any of my obsessive Google searches. I’m not even going to lie, the first time I saw “Lactivist. Intactivist” I figured out what Lactivist meant but I read the latter as something more like INTA-ACTIVIST. I thought that the person was just trying to rhyme their activism. Then I finally realized that its INTACT-IVIST. Thanks to @Grow_Diego_Grow blog who had an AMAZING post about circumcision [ here].

Since I do not [YET] have a son, and as much as I am anti-circumcision, I’m not going to write an intactivist post [YET, lol]. Instead, I’m going to reach to my inner lactivist and blog about something that I am very familiar with, and very passionate about.

Breastfeeding.

Lately on twitter, I feel like every other day or so, I am stumbling across new posts from various Lactivists [and not] that all are debating on the topic of Breastfeeding vs formula. I know I have briefly explained once before my thoughts on this topic. But I would like to further expand, and share with you the amazing words of other Moms from around the globe. This way I will be able to sleep at night [and focus better on homework] knowing that I said what I have to say!

First of all, let me make one thing clear….I am not ANTI-formula, buy ANY means. I realize that there is a medical reason for some people to use it, whether it be a low/change in milk supply, or whatnot. BUT, it does upset me when some women just choose not to breastfeed at all, because it is what is “convenient” to them or what “helps” them.

When I was pregnant, my thoughts on breastfeeding were very little and few between.

I said “I will do it if I can” and “we will see“.

My interests were more with childbirth, I guess I figured that I would deal with the whole feeding process once the baby had come. I received formula samples [which I didn't ask for] one was actually a CASE, and another was a smaller version of the large tins you can purchase in the store. I also received a lot of bottles [new and used] from people and gift bags for baby registries….and on the flip side also managed to score an abundance of nursing pads, nipple cremes, and other breastfeeding paraphernalia. I never asked for any of this, but I didn’t turn it away. I remember telling G how thankful I was that we had gotten so many bottles, and a sterilizer, because I assumed I would actually use one.

[Note: I have only used a bottle TWICE and both were only a few weeks postpartum, and I pumped so that G could feed N and allow me to sleep.]

I even remember the night I was in labor and packing my bag to head to the hospital in a mad dash, because as per usual, I left everything to the last minute..[and had to take breaks from packing because I was actually trying my hardest not to push at 10cm dilated, but that's something we will leave to my birth story :) ] I even wondered, should I pack one of these “ready-to-use” jarred formulas just in case we need it? But I decided against that. Fast forward: About 3 minutes after giving birth, [after nurses checked the baby, because there was meconium in the fluid] the midwife brought me my baby, told me to take out my breast and offer it. So I did. N latched right away, something that was truly a blessing because many seem to have issues with this. I never stopped, I breastfed on demand, despite people telling me “she should be on a schedule” and that “I need my rest“.

After months of successful breastfeeding [with a hearty supply], I finally donated the jars of formula to a local woman’s shelter. [I still have that dreaded tin in my cupboard...I'm almost afraid to let go because I fear that I might one day need it..which is absurd, but whatever...]

Then I got to thinking.

Why was I so, almost, afraid, of breastfeeding? What intimidated me about such a NATURAL process?

What did I hear while I was pregnant, or before, that had possibly deterred me from not wanting to obsessively Google breastfeeding, or shop for nursing bras or shirts?

I sat and wondered for a while, and then once I had compiled all my data, I kind of realized. My lack of Breastfeeding knowledge came from a lack of support, inspiration and direction. If it weren’t for my midwife, I don’t know if I would be breastfeeding today[,...honestly...its true.]

I had very few friends/acquaintances/family who I could turn to to ask about their experiences with childbirth, breastfeeding, parenting, and etc. I’m not even sure exactly how long my mom breastfed any of my sisters or I. I remember her tandem nursing my younger twin sisters, but I don’t remember them ever being that big when they were, so she couldn’t have nursed for long. Nor did she pump. Because she talks about preparing bottles…So I feel like even her personal breastfeeding experiences were limited. Unfortunately, for some reason [maybe her lack of own experience], my mom didn’t offer a lot, if any, breastfeeding support…and neither did my MIL, or grandma, or anyone in my family.

Before I had the baby, I did reach out to a couple of women who I knew from high school who had children since, I wanted to see what their experiences of pregnancy, childbirth, and postpartum days entailed, and hoped to gain insight and knowledge from what [if any] information I was to receive. Although I hadn’t talked to any in a long time, I still received very welcoming responses and stories [I have yet to meet a woman who doesn't enjoy telling their birthing/parenting stores, even still if it is mostly complaints!].

The first story briefly touched on breastfeeding , “she was hospitilized after we left the hospital twice and I never produced any breat milk for her and I always wonder if I coulve prevented these things by doign the “right thing“”. [Spelling is as it was in the e-mail].And that was all that was mentioned.

The second story read ” I didnt breast feed which helped me a lot cuz in the nights steve cud go and feed the baby. Being a mom is a 24/hr job where the men who work get to punch in and out. I think its only fair if they get up in the night once in a while too cuz its not fair they get perfect sleeps every night and we have to wake up every 3 hours. NO sleep DOES take a tole on ur body and thats when they need to suck it up and help out. Dont forget that. And if u need help, dont be afraid to ask for it. Dont feel like u have to be super mom and get everything done, and clean house etcc.., 10 years from now u wont remember how clean ur house was but how happy u were and its more important u stay sane then trying to get everything done all the time.”

The first, looking back, kind of gives the impression of not-trying/no support/giving up. The second, is kind of the same, along with a bit of lazyness. [NO OFFENSE, just IMO]

And this was the only information I received regarding breastfeeding before I had N, from anything other than “What to Expect When You are Expecting”, which btw, is one of the WORST books ever, and if it wasn’t one of those things people always get for you as soon as you are knocked up, I probably never would have read it/purchased it. [In my case,my mom brought it to me the day I found out about my pregnancy, probably because of the fact that it seems so customary...] Nor will I get it for anyone in the future. Read this funny post about the book here.

No wonder I had such a distorted view. Formula and bottles being shipped out to me, no breastfeeding inspiration [besides nursing pads...]. I heard stories of “not being able to breastfeed” and “how tired I would be if I did“.

I have another friend, who gave birth not too long after me, and she made attempts to breastfeed, but quit after two weeks. She said “the baby didn’t like it“. I also feel like every time I talk about breastfeeding, or breastfeed in front of her, she gets on the defense with excuses/reasons as to why she stopped. But really, I don’t care. I’m kind of sick of hearing excuses…its all I hear at my Momstown playgroups. I read a post about excuses not to formula feed [a play on formula feeding mothers excuses not to breastfeed] and I could not agree MORE with everything said. Its all true. All excuses I have heard in my 7 months of being a mother and being exposed to other mothers.

Another wonderful blog written by a young mom, had another post about the world and how it would be if formula didn’t exist. Babies would die. Natural Selection would be working. Or would it?

Pre-Formula days, there were wet nurses. If you didn’t want to nurse your baby, or lets say you actually medically COULDN’T, there were still people who were available to do it. Although, as this site explains, wet nursing did come to a minor halt after the discovery of the transfer of disease through breastmilk, but now that we have the tools necessary to detect this, wet nursing is making a come back. I LOVE THIS!

Through extensive Google searches and following people on twitter, I have come to find that SOME [I repeat, SOME...] aren’t as “grossed out” at the thought of donating breastmilk to another mother and baby, or even breastfeeding another child who is not your own. A WONDERFUL mother, @Heartsandhandss has/had been pumping after a tragic loss TO KEEP HER SUPPLY AND SHE DONATED IT! This is an amazingly refreshing story which you can read on her blog.

Another mother whom I have found through Googling, is Rainbow Jen-Jen, she and her small group of friends actually cross-nurse each others babies. When one of them isn’t around, or too tired to nurse, another mom will step into the job. :) This is her blog where you can read your stories.

If everyone were to adopt these some of the perspectives which these women above have, babies could continue to be breastfed, no matter what. Milk donation and wet nursing are great solutions for those who can’t breastfeed.

Can’t.

I’m not in the medical profession, so I cannot back up whether or not it is actually truly possible for a woman NOT to be able to produce ANY breastmilk. How can you tell me you can GROW a human being inside you AND NOT be able to produce the milk to help them continue to grow and thrive. IMO, it just doesn’t work.

[I can understand how stress, or another pregnancy, could damper your supply, but even if you loose your supply and have tried for longer than a couple of weeks, I would still consider you a breastfeeding mom, despite having to switch to formula, because it was out of your control.]

Maybe it is because of the lack of support, and the unnecessary and overbearing medical intervention that surrounds birthing process?

Lactation Consultants should be available for EVERY birthing mother. I think that even with a C-Section, mothers should be given the opportunity to TRY to breastfeed shortly after the baby is born, so that they don’t interrupt the natural process of latching, supply, and the entire breastfeeding relationship. More baby friendly hospitals would probably help this… read here on Breastfeeding Canada website.

[One friend had a C-Section and they didn't let her see the baby until 9 hours later, I believe that this could have contributed to the unhealthy nursing relationship that they had...there are pictures of him in an incubator...with a pacifier...which was obviously given to him by the hospital, because she couldn't even see her baby for so long after, AND In my humble opinion, this jeopardized the breastfeeding experience. This is what I mean by unnecessary medical intervention. Maybe if she had been given the opportunity to try to nurse, her nursing relationship would have been different. More "Baby Friendly" health services need to be available!!]

Accustomed Chaos wrote a post that makes me scared to even post mine. [ actually...just read all of theses posts, she writes too many good things about formula and breastfeeding,here is #1, and #2]She explains how some Lactivists can go to far, and somewhat bash formula mothers, some of which had no choice but to use formula.

This is true. I don’t want to seem like I’m bashing formula mothers.

I’m NOT. My only problem is when people don’t want to breastfeed, or don’t try. Its a hard process for everyone and its not really fair that some should be so lazy selfish.

So I guess, my conclusion is, that I appreciate the value of formula, for its ability to save the life of an infant when breastmilk doesn’t exist isn’t available…

But it kind of bothers me when Moms don’t even try or give up the struggle.

BUT, for some reason, as much as it upsets me….I don’t really BLAME them, I mean, in today’s society, breastfeeding is something which can be seen as indecent, unnessessary [because of the availablity of formula] and even offending.

Today I read this post, which reaaallly upset me. Its hard to believe that people would actually get ARRESTED for FEEDING THEIR BABIES! Its a shame that something so natural, can just be totally distorted and made out to be a horrid thing.

I think that our intense global-marketplace-of-a-society is to blame for the distored view on breastfeeding…. Because they continue to advertise, send out samples and overall glamourize bottle feeding….because they make MILLIONS if not BILLIONS of dollars for persuading mothers away from the boob.

And when people think its “gross” or that “boobs are for sex”……..grrrrrrr

Don’t even get me fucking started.

Just do me, [and your baby] a favor, at least TRY [for at least a month] to breastfeed your baby…please..

You will thank me one day for telling you to do so.

[p.s. This sat in my Draft posts for a week or so, I was too scared to post it... I guess its a good thing no one reads my blog, as The Feminist Breeder suggested in her post today...I am counting my stars.. ]

My Crib....[not my house, the thing the baby is supposed to sleep in...]

*Sigh*

Sidenote: before I get into this post, I went to this site which generates a “tweet cloud” and in mine, one of the words I tweet the most…..is *sigh*….LOL…I got to get over myself.

So. My crib.

Its not even a crib. Its a pack ‘n play. Its like something inside me knew that I wasn’t really going to use it so we opted for the least expensive option, as well as the smallest…since we only had one bedroom which we would all be sharing, [which at the time, I didn't know, by definition, that also counts as co-sleeping...so I was a cosleeper from the beginning, and I didn't even know it..:D] and this room barely held our own bed..so smallest crib was best idea. We would have gotten a bassinet. But figured a pack ‘n play can actually be used until the baby is 2 or 3, so it will pay itself off in the long run.

ANYWAYS….

So, N has slept in the crib for one entire night [not straight through, but meaning I actually put her down in it after I fed her during the night] This one attempt at the sleeping in the crib was probably when she was about a month or so, after I confessed to my Mom that I was still sleeping with her. She told me that I had to start to put her in her crib to “get her used to it” or else ” I would regret it” [not actual quotes of course, but something along those lines of anti-co-sleeping.] so I had a feeble attempt at trying to get her to sleep in it…which she did…but she just woke up WAY more.

The day N was born, we brought her home, and when we were finally ready to settle in for the night, I was all gung-ho to put her in the crib, it was G who said “lets sleep with her between us. she is too small to sleep in there”, so we did. and as any mom or dad would know, this first night didn’t involve very much actual sleep anyways. After the first day or two, G started to encourage the crib again, plus I was terrified of him rolling on her [and also at this point had not yet learned that I could breastfeed in the side-laying position. Newborns seemed so fragile to me at the time (because they are!) and I figured they always had to be held or swaddled while fed.] So I would usually nurse her down to sleep and then place her in the crib. Of course, I would be waking every hour or so to nurse her, when I was done I would burp her on my chest. Eventually I would lay down with her on my chest because she would still be awake and only seemed to be soothed when I patted her back. So, I would lay there, pat her back, and pass out. I would wake up to her searching for boob, I would sit up, nurse her, and end up falling back asleep again while I laid down trying to burp/soothe her.

At first I was terrified at the fact that I had actually fallen asleep while she was LAYING ON MY CHEST! Was this okay? Surely it couldn’t be, was what I thought. I had seen the co-sleeper bassinets and such for beds, but had never heard of a baby sleeping on someones chest before. Not at night at least, and not while the person was sleeping themselves.

I googled obsessively “Sleeping with baby on chest” or “I feel asleep with my baby on me” or “blog about sleeping with baby on chest” I was desperate to find SOME sort of indication that I was doing something right. ..

Why I wouldn’t just follow my motherly instinct…I’m not sure… regardless, I found nothing on the internet, and was pretty sure that “What to Expect When You are Expecting” wasn’t going to have a page, let alone a sentence, about sleeping with your baby on your chest. Despite the fact that I felt guilty about this sleeping arrangement, I would still do it. She never once rolled off, my hands were always on her when I woke up, and I got more sleep than I did when I put her in the crib. [plus not to mention the fact that it was just sooo extremely comfortable!]

One visit with my midwife encouraged me to try the side laying position while breastfeeding as another option of cosleeping. Despite the fact that I was co-sleeping, I was still sitting up to nurse the baby. [A HUGE inconvienience now that I look back, I actually had to WAKE UP. Geesh. How did I survive?!]

So one night when I was really tired and had to feed, I went to the bed, laid down and fed N. It was wonderful. I was relaxed. I could rest and feed! who knew?!

Of course the first thing G says is “Is that safe?”….to which I responded “why wouldn’t it be?”….I think he forgot about the fact that he was the one who had in fact suggested co-sleeping in the first place..and how was this any different, I was just sleeping with my boob out

*sigh* and the rest is history. Even the crib.

We moved out of the house we brought N home to when she was 4 months old. Since we have been living here, I have placed her in the crib twice. Once was for 2 minutes while I straighted out the sheets, and the other time, I placed her in it for about an hour, just so I could get some sleep on my stomach [because WOW, do I EVER miss sleeping on my stomach :/]

So yesterday, I rearranged the room so that we could bring in a single mattress for G to sleep on. He has been sleeping on the couch for about a month because he is always afraid that he is going to wake up the baby, so to solve this problem, we brought him in his own bed so he won’t have to worry about disturbing her and I also wont have to worry about him rolling on her or anything like that. [its funny, now that he is back in the room, I kinda wish he was still on the couch because he SNORES SO LOUD, and I get a much better sleep when I dont have to kick him every 5 min, LOL, but still love his presence. ].With the rearranging, I had to place the crib at the end of the bed, and now my closet barely opens…..and I thought to myself…”Should I just take it down?”..and despite the fact that I know chances are I am never going to use it [even when we do transfer N to her own bed, we figure we can just get a kids frame for the single mattress G is sleeping on now] So realllly, she is never going to use it..and when she does have her own bed, it will just be a toddler bed. No crib needed.

So why don’t I take it down?

Probably because I’m such a wimp and actually worry about what people are going to think about me. Its already awkward enough trying to explain where the baby sleeps. Sometimes I just say “in her crib” and use the explaination that she doesn’t have her own room because “our 2nd bedroom is across the house and I don’t want to have to get up during the night”.

The worst was trying to explain to people where she slept during the days that she slept on my chest.

“So where does the baby sleep?”

“On my chest..”

*awkward pause*

“Your chest?…?”

So I guess I keep the crib up because I want people to *think* that we use it. I don’t want people to get all up in my business. Its hard enough being a nursing mother of a baby who can crawl onto my lap and ask for boob….let alone being “the mom who sleeps with her baby”

The funnier thing, which I thought about the other day while nursing, was that my family can’t even give me slack. Although none of them actually slept with their babies, or even roomed with them for that matter, some are still co-sleepers.

Take my Grandma for the first example. I used to spend countless nights at her house after my younger [by 6 1/2 years] twin sisters were born. I remember often during the night I would either call out her name, or go into her room and ask her to come and sleep with me….and she did. So she part-time co-slept with me.

My Mom is another great example. Shes made comments about not being able to get N out of my bed, and blah blah blah…yet, although she didn’t co-sleep with them at a young age…my 17 year old sisters still usually end up in bed with her. So she is a co-sleeper…and she tells me I’m going to have issues getting N out of my bed?….Maybe its because she knows that she has 17 year olds who sleep with her.. LOL

Sooooo. I’m going to keep my crib up. At least for a couple more days. Until I get really mad that I can’t put laundry away with ease…not to mention it just takes up a whole bunch of space that could easily be used for something else…like laundry…

And thats my story.

I really hope that someone gets a hit to my blog by googling “baby sleeping on chest” because then maybe they will know that IT IS OK. I only wish that I could have found a blog post with reference to this after N was born. Would have given me a piece of mind. [and if you are a co-sleeper..please comment about your experience with your crib. Did you ever get one? What did you do with it? I need to know! ]

Anyhoo,

Peace out, yo.

11 ways Twitter Mamas saved my life

Blackberry.

I think first and foremost I have to thank RIM for creating the Blackberry, getting all my friends and family addicted, and then persuading me to get one for myself because of the ease of which I could share pictures through Blackberry Messenger. For those of you who own a Crackberry, I don’t really need to explain myself further. For those who don’t. Go get one. Not an Iphone 4 or some random smart phone…Get a Blackberry [Which I will now refer to as my BB]. If it weren’t for my BB, I never would have found…

Twitter.

I remember back when I took a course called “Information and Technology in Society” [for the first time, I had to take it twice, first time resulted in an EPIC FAIL, but that's another story...] during one of our tutorials [mini-class separate from lecture - for those of you who aren't familiar ] We discussed Twitter. It had just been created. I had only just recently jumped on the Facebook bandwagon, and my exposure to the awesomeness of social media was limited. I still didn’t understand the point of the tool.

Why would someone want to know what you are doing at every second of every day?

Those were exactly the words that came out of my mouth. :/ We all laughed, made fun of it, carried on…etc. etc.

I don’t remember exactly how twittering became a topic in my life, but it did, which was when I was pregnant. I’m pretty sure a co-worker and I were making fun of something or another…and I came home laughing about twittering stuff to my DH. Not really the point, continuing. Then one day DH was driving me to work, and I was complaining about the obvious [I was 7ish months pregnant and need not explain why If you have been-there-done-that-got-the-t-shirt.] and he goes on to say “My body aches every day, every muscle, every bone, I’m dying. Twitter that“.

Cue: INSANE LAUGHTER and an inside joke that has lasted a year. Every time something happens, I say “Oooh, TWITTER THAT!”…the funny thing is now I actually mean it.

Fast forward to the day I got my BB. May 27th, 2010. I signed up for Twitter, mainly because it had an app already installed. So I figured why not try it out?

At first it was my politician and celeb stalking tool. [Now its a mom-stalking-tool...] And then I discovered lists. Decided to search Breastfeeding and Attachment Parenting lists. Found a lot more than I was expecting. Went to one.

INSTA-FOLLOW-HEAVEN.

I had always tried to keep my tweets to a minimal amount of things, since most of my [then] followers were politician-y people and whatnot. Why would they want to hear about my obsessive rants about parenting, breastfeeding, and etc? [Bless those who still follow me to this day, and converse with me. Some say they are reliving their lives through me, which makes me happy, in a weird Twitter stalker kind of way.. ] So as I started to follow and converse with these mamas who were on this “breastfeeding” list….my life changed.

LITERALLY. TWITTER SAVED MY LIFE.

Not that it was really about to end, and needed to be saved…..okay lets try that again…

TWITTER SAVED MY LIFE SANITY.

It saved my sanity. Pre-Twitter days, I would obsessively Google for blogs, or forums, where I could find other women who were LIKE ME. I had especially never heard of anything about sleeping with your baby [except obviously the dangers, never the plus side...] So I was on a frantic search to find ANYONE or ANYTHING that would make me feel more comfortable doing what I was doing. I don’t like playing the “my baby does this” or “my baby does that” kind of game with moms, but finding a blog or forum or SOMETHING, that gave me affirmation that I wasn’t crazy was what I needed most.

I needed support.

And its funny, because rrreeeeeaallly, you think that you would first turn to those around you, like family and friends for support. But in my case. No one in my family co-slept [they told me it was a "bad idea" and that "I will regret it"], hardly anyone Breastfed for that long [or at least would say they couldn't remember when they stopped, and would rarely converse about it without awkwardness...]. I only have one real friend who has a baby, and shes the opposite to me [c-section instead of natural birth, formula instead of breastfeeds, doesn't own a baby carrier, uses a soother, uses disposible diapers....can't get more contrasting than that...OH she even has a boy, and I have a girl!] which means that I can’t really talk to her about anything…

So in come the twitter moms.

Let me tell you why I love them.

1. They don’t judge you for anything you rant about [those who do, just stop following you, and they frankly, can go fuck themselves...LOL]

2. They can give you quick answers to unexpected parenting questions

3. They give you constant reminders that you aren’t alone

4. They make me laugh, cry, and think about things I haven’t thought about

5. They have taught me things I didn’t know

6. They reach out to those in need

7. They help me make decisions in life about almost everything

8. They Google things for me when I don’t have the time

9. I can talk about my boobs as much as I want, and no one gets grossed out

10. They are there for me when I’m being a bored SAHM Mom with nothing to do…

AND

11. They inspire me to do more and do better things in life

I’m going to keep it short and sweet just like that.

Plus the babe just woke up. [EDIT: okay, she just took a deep breath, not awake yet...]

And now you know how Twitter Moms save my sanity [and therefore, my life ] Not to mention all the other cool followers who stick around to hear about my adventures in being a first time AP mom….

Until Next Time.

R. Xoxo

Sorry....I can't help but stare at your nipple

Every other Wednesday, I go to Baby Babble, as run by my local Momstown chapter. I love going. I used to be intimidated by the fact that most moms are at least 5-15 years older than me, but I’m over that now. We still have lots in common….being moms.The group usually runs from 2-4, after the infamous morning nap, and before the late afternoon “cat nap”. Around 3-3:30, the babies all start to get fussy and cry, because they are hungry. This is the only time I feel like I might want to run away and hide, and I do. I leave the room…. to be able to feel comfortable nursing my baby.

Why?

Because I’m the only 1 of 2 moms who openly breastfeed [thats 10% of all the moms who attend] and by openly breastfeed, I mean leave the room. The other 18 moms, bottle feed. I’m sure some are [what I like to refer to as] “Closet Breastfeeders”, meaning, they breastfeed, but pump to be able to use bottles when in public, sometimes I try to figure out who these moms are by the type of bottle they are using [usually pump compatible].

Sometimes the talk will be about formula sales, or switching formulas because of spitting up….and I feel so awkward. I stare at the ground and don’t make eye contact. I don’t want people to know that I breastfeed. I don’t want to be the one who can’t participate in the conversation. Because I feel that a. I don’t know enough to participate, and b. whatever I say will probably be met with more awkward stares.

I feel centered out.

This bugs me on so many levels. I shouldn’t have to leave the room when I want to feed the baby, we are all moms, its not like I could/would/should be offending anyone. Or am I? Maybe I am. I can feel the stares, and I see the looks I get when I discuss breastfeeding, or announce that I am still nursing

Maybe some Moms are mad that they didn’t get to experience what I am? or maybe they are resenting themselves a little for not trying harder? or being sad that it didn’t work for them? Who knows. I don’t even want to bring up the subject to find out the reasons why they choose not to breastfeed.Its such a controversial subject, and I hate when Moms feel like they have to defend themselves to me, just because I breastfeed and they don’t. They have to give me the list of reasons of why formula was better for them.

But I get it. I totally get it. I get defensive too.

I get defensive because I feel like I have to justify why I am breastfeeding and not using a bottle [Note: I only feel this way at this particular playgroup, and some other times with general public or co-workers, or people who don't have kids so don't really even have experience to give a proper opinion] . A lot of women just don’t understand…

But it goes both ways.

Formula moms don’t understand Breastfeeding until they have experienced it. Just like Breastfeeding moms don’t understand formula feeding….until they have experienced it.

I don’t understand formula feeding one bit…and not because I don’t get why women choose to do it. I just don’t get how it works…

How do you know how much to feed them? How do you heat it up? Do you use tap water or filtered water? Are you worried about bacteria in the bottles? How do you sterilize bottles then when you are in public? What kind of nipples to you use? How do you deal with making bottles in the middle of the night?

Those are just a few of the things that I think of when I think of formula feeding. [I'm starting to think that the word "formula" comes from the fact that you almost need a degree in effin science to understand how to do it].

Because I lack all of this knowledge, I find myself staring, when moms are preparing their bottles I stare. I stare at their nipples, some are brown, some are clear, some are long, others short…:/ I look at the what looks to me like baby cereal being mixed in with water, and I stare. I still stare when a baby sits there and drinks a bottle, while the mom holds it. It looks odd…. [In MY opinion, don't hate. ]. My eyes get all googly, and I probably give weird looks, and I can tell that people are looking at me weird, because I’m looking at them weird. Its like that look someone gets when they see something they know that they shouldn’t have…I feel like a godly-christian-type-adolescent who is witnessing two people have sex and do crack at the same time. someone witnessing a murder. catching one of your friends lovers cheating on them when you see someone naked.

I don’t know exactly to explain how or why this makes me feel so awkward…but I guess its just because I don’t understand…because I don’t use a bottle, and never have. So when I see a baby eating from a bottle…its just something I haven’t seen really…so I just stare. and I know its awkward but I just can’t help it…

Is this what people feel when they see me nursing in public? Because then I totally get it.

Me nursing in public, downtown Toronto outside of the Art Gallery of Ontario during TIFF

My life as told by Twiter Hashtags

[For those of you who use twitter you will be familiar with the hashtag and how sometimes it almost seems like the punchline to the tweet. I use Ubertwitter from my Blackberry and it saves all of your hashtags so you can refer back to them easier....one night (while nursing obviously) I scrolled through what I had saved and this is what I found...its like a funny twitter-biography of me. ]

#all the drama I can handle #and no I dont live in an igloo #are you sure I’m not pregnant #baby never cries on bus anyways #bahhhhhhhh # been there done that got the t-shirt #being a mom means living in filth #being a student mom is complicated #being one with nature #blog post #boobies #books i am reading #breastfeeding #breast milk #but really I don’t care cause I’m a mom #but you give me hope #call me crazy #cant believe I said that out loud #can you say addicted? #can you tell I’m bored #cheers to teething #cheers to that #chicken shit #clueless #coma sleep #commuting sucks #crib was such a waste of money #damn you twitter #don’t even know how it ended #don’t hate #don’t judge me #don’t know where I found this guy #don’t know why I care what people think #don’t spend it all in one place #dont you love it when #easier said than done #eating habits #eBay #fail #ftw #gaaaaaaaa #grammatically challenged #guess who is being held responsible #hardcore #hate people #healthy child #he thinks he can fix anything #holy hormones #huge mom fail #i am not pro #i cant find the words to say what i feel #i cant seem to find the time #i dont believe him #i dont want to jinx it #i hate mornings #i just have so much crap #i know im a loser dont remind me #i have no time 2 catch up #i love cosleeping anyways #im all cracked out from twitter #im a pro #im getting a pregnancy test anyways #im kind of evil in a weird mom way #im like a fish out of water #im not going to lie #im not trying to make you jealous #im pretty sure he thinks im a loser #im such a procrastinator #i must be on an ant hill #in my own head #iPhone #i should check more often #i speak from experience #is that weird #is this what school will be like? #i think its time to do laundry #i think weird things #its a bad thing #i wish i could tweet sound waves #i wish i had my own reality show # i wont listen to his crying #jokes on me #joy #jumping over fences #just sayin #kicking myself in the morning #kinda tired #late night cravings #let me live in filth #lets hope it was the soy milk #life saver #made me so mad #man im such a loser! #maybe she smells milk #men are always crank bags #men are weird #miss them #mommy time #moms going insane #more mad #Motherhood #my workout for the year #natural birthing #nerd #never judge a book by it cover #no mommy fails tonight # non vaccinating #not going to lie #not impressed #no trust for tech #now i got to brush my teeth #now that my baby can crawl #nursing #oh shit what did i get myself into #oh the joys #oh well #oh yea thats right time #oh yea thats right i met him at the bar #only in Canada #or just jealous I have friends #paint all over #pass out #play date #pmsing #ppd #pretend we didn’t notice #random hashtag #random thought #real life jeopardy #report all as spam #retro #scoreeeee #screaming and crying #shoot me now #shrug me off #shut up #single mom #sleep #sniff the cap and i’m wasted #snoring #so frustrating #some people make me wonder #so much for together time #so who gives a fuck #spaz #stink eye while im nursing #stop growing up so fast #stress out #strike #stuff my face with jalapeno and cheddar Doritos #such a violent nursing baby #teething sucks #thank god for chocolate #that sounded weird out loud #that was stress #the life of a mother # then i have heard it all #there’s always tomorrow #the things you remember while laying in bed #this doesn’t happen often #this is not good for my sanity #this is the life #Tim Hortons #tmi #too lazy to Google #toss up #touch wood #TTC #tweet deprived #tweeting from toilet #tweet life #twitter creeper #twitter drama #twitter freakout #twitter hugs #twitter mama #wanting to put every toy together #we are all in the same boat #wear their babies #wet ass #what am i eating for dinner #what it is to be a mom #what were they thinking #when i have time #while eating dinner #who needs sleep anyways #why am i so addicted #why didnt i do this months ago#wtf #yawn #yay for Google #yay for soggy cereal #yes im a nerd i wont deny it #you aren’t alone #you know what i mean #yum yum

Back to school for this Mama

*Sigh*

That is probably the best way to start off this post.

I have typed 4 different sentences and then erased them. Not sure why its so hard for me to write this post. It seems pretty simple! I started classes on Monday the 13th…. School is not something I am usually hesitant to talk about, since technically I am a HUGE nerd.

I think I just don’t know where to start because I’m not sure how much I’ve even blogged about school [besides the fact that I went through a minor dilemma with not knowing what I really wanted to do with my life: see here, here, and here] and for some reason I feel like I should be “filling you in” on whats already happened to date…. so let me try to lay it down in a simple paragraph…[as a pre-law student, "simple" and "paragraph" don't generally come up in the same sentence....I have a habit of writing long, never ending sentences to ensure that I have covered all bases....:/]

In September of 2006, I started classes at York University in hopes to work towards my undergraduate honors degree in Political Science. I commuted, so no residence or other people could interfere with my schooling, and also saved thousands of dollars. In 2008/2009 there was a LONG ass strike at my school which you can read about here. Shortly after returning to classes in April of 2009, I got pregnant [May 2009]. I took one semester during my pregnancy [from September - December 2009], which was probably my hardest semester ever, trying to balance work, school and the third trimester of a pregnancy….[writing my last exam I was a month away from my due date. It was kind of hard to concentrate because I was so afraid my water was going to break or that I would go into labour when I was a 45 min drive or 1 hour bus ride away from home :/] While I was pregnant, I was thinking of trying to go back to school during the summer, so that I wouldn’t fall that behind on credits. However, come the time I felt I was ready to jump back into school, registration for summer classes was over. So I decided to enroll for September [which is now.]. It seemed pretty far away, but alas, as most moms know, time FLEW, and suddenly I am here, already a week into classes [that means only 11 left of the semester! OMG!].

I am glad I made the decision not to wait a full year to return. I was worried about leaving the baby and having to worry about childcare and all that jazz [Especially being an AP mom made this a difficult thing to think about ]….until I remembered that there are actually a vast amount of classes which you can take online!

This semester, I’m taking it easy, and I’m only enrolled in two classes. One is called “Canadian Income Taxation” which sounds pretty boring, but I’m actually pretty interested, as I have done my own tax returns for the past 5 years. AND with the introduction of the new HST tax in Ontario, it will be especially interesting to get up to date on all the new tax laws which will be introduced….blahblahblahblah. I will shut up about this now.

The other course I am taking is called “The Political Economy of Canada”. This is also another class which seems right up my nerd-alley..Right now we are concentrating on the “Economic crash of 2008″ which is really interesting to me, because during this time, I was working in retail, and I saw some of the effects that this crash had first hand on retail sales. I’m starting to work on a paper, which is already due in a month!, and my focus is going to be the automotive industry and its prospects in light of the economic crisis. WOOT WOOT!. [I'm getting side-tracked here, becuase this was not what my original intention was to blog about....] I am more worried about this class because it is a full year course in one semester, which means double the work load in a week [two 3 hour lectures/week]…

BUT, I WILL NOT LET MYSELF FALL BEHIND, NOR WILL I USE BEING A MOM AS AN EXCUSE IF I DO.

I don’t want to pull the “but I’m a Mom card” and try to justify falling behind in any work. If anything, I would have to say that I am more motivated than I have been in the past 3 years, because I have a daughter to look after. Now, more than ever, as sad as it feels sounds, I want to be able to graduate, and get on to getting a career. Although, no matter what, I’m still looking at another at least 4 or 5 years, maybe more. Until my life dream is complete.

I am not going to use being a mom as an excuse to NOT finish my life goals. Ever since I was so young, I have always had a certain picture of how my life would go. I did want to have kids and be married by 25. [so I was 2 years early on that one...], but alongside the whole family thing, I have always wanted to apply to graduate school and law school, and hopefully one day be able to finish my doctorate. Its the only way I see my undergraduate degree being worth anything. Besides mundane government work….there is not much that I can do with my degree. Even if I wanted to work in parliament or etc., it would still be preffered that I have a Masters degree. :/ Soooo, thats what I am going to do.

Some people might think that it will be hard. Some have even laughed in my face when I told them I still want to go to law school. But I think being a mom gives you a sense of discipline that you don’t have being a regular student. I know that work and motherhood will be hard to balance…but as long as I have support from those around me and closest to me [which I do, 100%] then it shouldn’t be hard.

When I was a student I would struggle to stay awake until 3 am, and then try to wake in the morning at 8 or 9. Now its just life. Being a mom has made me more capable of pulling all nighters, which is a benefit to any student. Especially a student-mom.

As of now, I want to try to keep Mon, Wednesdays, and Saturdays as exclusively school/taking care of baby days….and keep Tuesdays, Thursdays, Fridays and every other Sunday as play-days, cleaning days, blogging and extensive twittering days, or whatever else mom duties come up.

*Sigh*

I hope its as easy as it sounds!

Until next time,

R. Xoxo

Epiphany of Life...or whatever..

This blog post [unlike others] is more a spur-of-the-moment kind of thing….So unlike usually, I’m not sure where exactly to start..

How about with yesterday….I was lying in bed nursing N [as per usual] and I was thinking about life, you know how it goes, you just lie there and your brain jumps from topic to topic going over all the things you need to do, or have done, or should have done, or will be doing, or whatnot… Since I am starting school in 7 DAYS [yes..a week...] it was the main topic of conversation with myself, by myself, in my head. I was thinking about my recent mid-20s crisis and almost laughing at myself at the idea that I would actually have considered leaving academic world for something like midwifery school, as much as I LOVE the birthing process, and all the jazz that comes around with it, I’m more academic [than I give myself credit for...]. I live for research, writing, reading, lectures, seminars, note-taking, debates, politics, law. Ever since I was 10 this has been my dream [with minor changes throughout high school, but generally always had the inclination towards law and politics], once I enrolled in university, my passion grew even more. After my “crisis” was over, and I knew that I was going to continue on this path, I found myself asking “How could I intertwine the two?”…..law, childbirth, breastfeeding, parenting….without being a family lawyer? I didn’t think that it would be possible…until I found Sustainable Mothering and Feminist Law Professors. Both are AMAZING blog sites that have been nothing but inspiration to me since I discovered them a few short days ago. If it wasn’t for me tweeting about the possibilities of becoming pregnant while breastfeeding, I never would have received the response from @JakeAryehMarcus, and then never would have found her AMAZING blog, which will continue to be a source of major inspiration.

So there you have it, my life epiphany, which happened because of nursing, and twitter and social media.

Now on to the other 3 draft post I have saved…

Until Next Time,

R. Xoxo

Wordless Wednesday

Yes, My baby eats celery. Don’t Hate.

Don't take me to jail, I'm breastfeeding!

I knew the title would catch your attention, but noooo, I’m not going to jail. But I did have this crraaazzy dream nightmare last night that I must share, in hopefully less than 3000 words [like my last post...so sorry about that one].

The dream. First I was driving, and I remember seeing this black Dodge Charger [You kow the transformers car? bumblebee?] which was an undercover police car, that had officer in it…but more like those detectives who are in regular clothes but then also wear the vests over that says the police department they are from. I somehow knew this because even though I was driving my own car, somehow I was sitting, basically on what would be the center console, in his car…You know how weird dreams could be. Anyways, I saw this police car sneaking up behind me and I panicked because I wasn’t wearing my seat belt [which I never do, not only for safety, and comfort, but also because of that annoying ass bell that goes off when you don't wear it!] I scrambled to get my seat belt off, and of course, the police sped by without interest in me….then suddenly I was in what I thought was my apartment, but instead of seeing the stairs and the door [we live in a basement apartment] up the stairs was a washroom [?] and then our main door. So anyways, besides the point really, just had to point that out, because again, random dream stuff. I can’t really remember too much about what happened in between getting to my apartment and what I am about to explain, but I know that I was set out on a mission to do something because I had a notebook and pen in my hand. [maybe school, since I start my online classes in 15 days :/...]. I was walking, and got to an intersection, but not with traffic lights, only a two way stop. I remember looking to the left and soooo many more of the Dodge Charger cop cars were speeding with there lights on and turning down the road that was up from where I was. To my right, more cop cars came speeding around. I thought in my head “oh geeze, there must be something crazy going on down there”, and then went back to look at the traffic to see when I would be able to cross the road without getting hit by a car. So I looked both ways again, to make sure the way was clear, and took one step. ONE STEP. I wasn’t even on the road. still on te gravel shoulder at this point, and then I look to my left and see this random [obviously undercover] Dodge Charger cop car with a man in regular clothing, FLAGGING ME DOWN with a blue flag. That’s right, even though I heard many sirens before, they didn’t turn them on for me. Behind the car was another man sitting on the top of a ladder and another girl/woman standing on chair [oh, dreams...] at this point there was no longer a road to the left of me, it was some sort of white room with elaborate marble? and balconies…anyways, the guy on the ladder called out to me and said “Hey! You! come over here so we can start filling out the..*blah* *blah* *blah*..and your Mom can’t save you from it this time” [the *blah* part was stuff I don't really remember hearing him say/stuff I can't remember or didn't understand.] I would just like to point out too, that I have never had to have my mom rescue me from jail before….or maybe this ONE time when I was young, but nothing that would cause me to dream about it later on in life,…or at least I would think…ANYWAYS. So I started to walk over to this guy on the ladder, and I was trying to breathe but kind of choking because I was so scared, and I remember I was clenching my notebook so hard to my chest so scared for what was about to happen. I remember trying to explain myself saying that I hadn’t even actually crossed the road I only had the INTENT to jaywalk, and I didn’t think you could be charged for that one. The girl on the chair started to talk to me at this point and told me not to bother because it wasn’t going to save me *tear*..this is where the real panic set in. I was standing just below the man on the ladder begging him not to send me to jail, I was doing that crying sort of panting, or gasping, because I could hardly breathe because I was in sch a panic. I told him ‘But I can’t go to jail, I have a 7 month old baby, and I’m breastfeeding….”… and then I woke up.

In complete panic by the way. and ran to the spare room where G was sleeping [Sidenote: he sleeps in there because he doesn't want to wake the baby who is sleeping next to me. Good call on his part because I would be mad if she woke up, but I hate him not being there! bed gets lonely, although I do always have baby to cuddle ] I turned on the light as fast as I could and tried to wake him up. He leaned up and kissed me, said “i love you” and went back to sleep…snoring, I should say….and that is #1076 why I love him so much.

So o that was my crazy dream, but i must head to bed now, as for the first time ever, I left G sleeping in bed with N. I don’t normally do this, as when she was born he wasn’t as “aware” that she was in the bed. [Although at that time she was on my chest, and so he couldn't get used to her, because she was still pretty much apart of me ] but now that she is bigger and sleeps next to me instead of on me, I think he has a better idea. So far they have been in there for 1 hour sleeping soundly and without moving! I put a body pillow in between them though so maybe they just think its me

All of this talking about them really makes me want to go crawl into bed even more *sigh*.

I. Fucking. Love. Life.

Until next time,

R. X0x0

btw, I’m too tired to spell check, but really want to post at the same time. I will edit tomorrow. or from my phone :p #Dontjudgemecauseimtired

Monarchs, Ladybgs, and that pain in my ass....

I haven’t really had the time nor motivation to blog lately. I think Im PMSing…although I haven’t actually got my period back since having N 7 months ago - which I have been told is a lucky thing, because a lot of women I have been talking to got theirs back as 8 weeks?! Not sure about how I lucked out on this one, unless it’s because they are using Birth control, which I can only imagine would effect it..and apparently pacifiers do as well? hmmmm…My period is the least of my concerns right now, and not what I intend to use this wise time blogging about.

Monarchs. Soooooo to fill in the gaps of this story, I’m going to have to rewind to my first day of university, 4 years ago now. I have to take 2 buses to get to my campus, and when I transfer, I have to wait at this open concept bus terminal [which, btw, has NO washroom, which is kind of inconvenient in the middle of a two-hour commute! especially when you drink as many teas as I do/did ]. So anyhoo, I was waiting for my bus to come and I remember being all scare, more so intimidated…and suddenly from what seemed like no where there were at least 30 to 40 Monarch butterflies swarming over the bus terminal. This shed a happy light on my day, I took it as a sign to myself that I shouldnt be scared and that everything is okay, and more than anything, that I was making the absolute right choice in life, or heading in the right direction. So then fast forward a year and a half later. I took a leap and moved into my first apartment [not far from home!] which was a big step for me considering how close I am to my Mom. At some point not too long after we moved in [which was in February, Valentines day to be exact]. I saw some more Monarchs AGAIN, it stuck out [and therefore made me always remember] because it was a) somewhat colder weather and b) since I had seen soooo many that first day of school and then associated it with the whole “making-the- right- decison-on-my-life- path” idea, so again, I thought, as scary as moving out was and as much as I wanted to go back home to my cozy comfort zone, I was doing the right thing and just to continue forward. [needless to say that was one of the best experiences of my life, and totally wouldn't take back a single day of living there with my amazing roommates [who are still amazing despite the fact that they totally bailed on me, but again, that shall be left for another blog post]. Fast forward again, about a year and a half later, I was pregnant with N, and saw ANOTHER Monarch. Although they were all pretty spaced apart, I felt connected to the Monarch in a weird way, like it was someone flying by me and saying “Hey, you’re okay. Everything happens for a reason”. So needless to say I am a little obsessive with Monarchs…not to the point where I have any sort of statues or pictures or whatever,…..yet….. but I I have considered multiple times getting a tattoo of a monarch added to the one I have on my back as a sort of symbolism for myself, as a reminder of how all hard big changes in my life always happen for the RIGHT reason.

Fast Forward to now. So, I explained in my last post, about how I met and wet to visit that amazing girl AS, well wouldn’t you know that her last name is butterfly in French…but whatever, I didn’t really think much of it…except that it made her comment “I’m obsessed with butterflies” made sense. When she told me that, I was tempted to tell her about my experiences, but didn’t think our first meet and greet would be the appropriate time to talk to her about my weird butterfly thoughts. So, last blog post was Wednesday, and on Thursday I had to take my BFF A to her drivers test [which she passed, btw! yayyy! ]. She took the bus down, and then we walked over to my Moms to pick up the car. On my way to meet her at the bus, I was walking to the lights to cross the street and I saw something fly in front of my stroller, and much to my surprise it was a Monarch! So when A and I met up, I had to tell her alllll about my crazy Monarch stories and what I thought it meant and etc. etc. [and of course I told her about how new friends last name was a weird coincidence as well]. We oohed and ahhhed about it. She mentioned one time for her that she saw hundreds of them flying out of trees up north at her camp and when they told her Grandpa he said it was even more odd to see them now because apparently they are becoming extinct? I haven’t googled this yet for confirmation, lol, but I trust A and her grandpas word. So we oohed and ahhhed some more and went about our day. The next morning, I was going grocery shopping. I was driving and approached a stop light and slowed down, I’m not going to lie I was kind of just staring around kind of gapped out [but don't worry the light was red and I was safely stopped at this point...I'm sure you all assume I'm a horrid driver after reading my "driving with no lights on post" ]. Out of the corner of my eye I sw something red flying at my windshield, nd since I had recently seen Trees with changing leaves, ,I just assumed it was a leaf. I remember thinking “stupid fall” or something like that, until it hit my window and I saw it was another floppin’ MONARCH! I got chills and almost started to cry, because I was thinking how weird and random it was that I actually saw them two days in a row and not even in the same area. Sunday, two days later, I was driving down to my BFF A’s house, and I was driving and again, stopped at light [in a business complex area, by no means a park or wildlife or anything...], and of course, yet another beautiful monarch was flying in front of me. This time, I didn’t cry, or go “wow”, my stomach flipped and I almost threw up. I guess I was so happy that I hd seen so many in such short amount of time that it was triple confirmation that whatever path I am on right now in life is definitely the one that I should be on. OH, and I should also mention that, besides the story that A told me, everyone I have talked to about this experience actually says that they haven’t seen a butterfly in a long time, which makes me feel even more special :0 [And, just to make it even more weird, I saw yet another monarch just today while I was driving with my sister!...

I told my sister this story at the beginning of the week and she was reminding me about how ladybugs were thought to be a symbol of My Great-Grandma. When she passed away my Dad and Step-Mom drove out to clean out her apartment and apparently the entire place was covered in Ladybugs. So at her funeral, and since, this has been considered a symbol of her. The next day, as I was bringing in the baby from the car, I looked down and noticed that a lady bug had gotten on to her head! I tried to let it outside, but it must have fell into a part of the car seat because it ended up flying around the apartment for a while. I just let it be J I feel like it was my Great-Grandma coming to visit her Great-Great-Granddaughter.

So a tonne of symbolism is going down in my life right now and I’m not really sure what it’s trying to tell me. My assumption is that the changes which are happening in my life that I should be open to are; meeting AS, going to my Mom playgroups [Momstown and Red Tent], getting closer with BFF A, the decision to stay on track towards my law/masters degree….

Maybe these signs are also trying to tell me that I am being a good person by letting G’s friend P stay with us for 4+ WEEKS. This would be the pain in my ass part to my blog. Anyone who follows me on twitter will know that this has been an ongoing issue that has been contributing to my stress [and also to my inability to blog...or paint...or pee with the bathroom door open..]…

Hopefully I can contain myself to a shorter rant, but, I highly doubt that will be the case because the whole situation is, [pardon me for cursing] STRESSING ME THE FUCK OUT. *sigh* and TRUST me, I make this very clear on a daily basis to G. I haven’t said anything to P yet, but I feel like its crossing a line or something…although what the EFF am I saying, I’m not crossing ANY line, if anything HE is crossing the line….let me lay it down for you [and can you tell I’m mad because when do I ever write in all capitals....at least so far in this blog post ]

• When he first came down from where he lives [about 3 hours North] G told me that he would be staying with his Mom [my MIL] so I thought, okay, cool, no big deal….
• At first, he was always willing to help with the baby or dinner…now he just sits there like lump on a log saying he is tired [ummm, you and G do the same job, and he isn’t just sitting there...]
• I have to feed him, and he eats a lot. I have spent $180 on groceries the past 2 weeks, and feed him a GOOD meal every night [none of that frozen crap, I make chicken with fresh mashed potatoes gravy and corn, or some other delicious dinner from scratch]
• As a mom, you will know that showering is a luxury; around here I only get to do it every couple of days. Well wouldn’t you know that since G and P come home from work and BOTH shower EVERYDAY, by the time I go to have mine, there isn’t a single clean towel. AND today, when there FINALLY was a clean towel and the baby was napping so I actually had free time to just stand there and feel the hot water on me…and wash my hair….and, OH, wait, THERE IS NO SHAMPOOOOOO. And btw, G and P both have shaved heads…and when I called them out on it they TOTALLY admitted that they used all my shampoo…[I actually cried in the shower because I was soooo upset that my shower was ruined....or at least, not as enjoyable]
• We went to the laundry mat the other day, and he was rushing G to help me [and by rushing I mean standing outside the laundry mat staring and smoking cigarettes....] so that G could drive him ACROSS THE PLAZA to a store….and after that, he kept reading the time on the dryer and saying “*sigh* 10 more minutes!? “.Even my friend A had come with us this time and was noticing how ANNYOYING he was becoming! She was pretty much disgusted with the way that he was acting and said something along the lines of “It’s almost like since he is a bad Dad, he expects that G will be a bad one too. Maybe he is almost jealous of how good of a Dad G is….” Even when I was trying to fold the clothes [so they would not be too wrinkly when we finally got a chance to put them away at home. G told me to do whatever, and A was like “yea there is no rich” and then P was like “yea....no rush at all...” and just by the tone of his voice I could tell that he was being sarcastic. I looked to see his facial expression to confirm the sarcasm, and sure enough he was just finishing up a HUGE EYE ROLL! Well this totally rubbed me the wrong way, because honestly who is he to say if we are taking too long or not? We have shit to do, and you are a guest in our house. End of story. If you don’t want to come with us or stay with us, there are plenty of buses, and your legs work just fine. [Side note: another reason why it bugs me soooo much that P asks G to drive him around is because when I don’t walk to borrow my mom’s car, I usually walk or bus EVERYWHERE....WITH A BABY...and he can’t even walk across the plaza to the store...he needs to use OUR GAS, and OUR TIME....FUCK THAT! – sorry, but profanity is not easy to withhold from these stories because REALLY, this just makes me SOOO ANGRY...] SO Anyways, to finish off the laundry mat story. Since I had seen him rolling his eyes and obviously he was rushing me I just threw all the clothes in garbage bags nd said “fine, FUCK, lets just go”…..so we all pile into the car, and by this point the baby is screaming, and P is all like “GREAT!, now all we need to do it go to the Drug Store!” ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! You just spent a FUCKING hour in the laundry mat complaining about how long we were taking and the Drug Store is LITERALLY across the street. He could have walked there 5 times in the amount of time we were waiting for the clothes. G told him to ask me, because you could tell he didn’t want to go either. I blatantly said NO. And A just looked at me and rolled her eyes…like wtf…
• Did I mention that I feed him every night and he has NEVER washed a single dish. He will sit there and watch G and I argue over who is going to watch the baby and who is going to clean up.
• He’s only provided $140 to compensate for the fact that he eats our food, uses our soap/shampoo, toilet paper, bums cigarettes from G all the time, drinks our hot chocolate and tea…..etc.
• One night, I think the same day we had just got back from the laundry mat, I was sitting in the other room and A was in the Kitchen. P was there as well and he says “Im going to make a hot chocolate” to which i replied…”oh, there isn’t even lot left….” [a.k.a DONT DRINK MY FREAKING HOT CHOCOLATE OR I WILL KILL YOU]. After I said that A said that she saw him take ANOTHER scoop of hot chocolate…therefore leaving me with NONE…..After he drank that, he made a cup of tea….and we had MAYBE enough milk for me to have my morning tea [which I NEED to have in my belly before I can even EAT anything....] then proceeds to make ANOTHER cup….after I said we hardly have enough milk for me n the morning…and USES THE REST OF THE MILK!

I cant continue on! I usually try harder to be more positive, but….this situation obviously aggravates me, but at the same time I kind of [? Kind of..] I feel bad for him. His whole story is, [and as I quickly reviewed his actual story in my head I realized I don’t actually feel that bad for him, but whatever, I will just let you decide for yourself.] He and his girlfriend have been together for 7 years and they have a 3 year old daughter. They were living in Toronto, and had to move because P apparently had people who wanted to kill him? [This is where I started to lose sympathy, because what the hell could you have done to make people want to kill you?! Except after him staying here for 4 weeks, I could maybe see why..] So to avoid his supposed death, the moved up north to a rural city, but not that small. Couldn’t find work. Called G, got a job with G, and now he has been waiting for welfare to come through so that he can get a place. That went through…so now he is “looking” for a place…Which he doesn’t really. He gets his mind set on one place, and gives up looking and then it always falls through. I mean if I had nowhere to live, I would be spending every free second I had trying to find somewhere. But it’s almost as though he is depending on G and I to help him..[G to drive him around, and me to bring up sites with advertisements and practically read them to him....]

Well….what more can I say? Not much, I have other more important things in life to blog about Like the DIY baby wrap and slings I made this week for 30$. Yea! you like the sounds of that don’t you I will post more on that tomorrow since it is now 1:10 a.m and I want to get at LEAST 8 hours sleep before I have to take care of a baby for 12 hrs straight…I’m sure you understand.

Until next time,

R X0x0

Keeping open doors

So much to say, and I’ve postponed posting too long due to #twitteringlikeafreak [I'm addicted to twitter hashtags, sometimes I find myself putting them in front of words and such in tet messages :/] so the babe will probably wake up soon….*sigh*, but I don’t want to do one of those 3 day long posts. Imma get ‘er done.

I have had a busy week! I always seem to have busy weeks..its funny though, on Monday I didn’t have any “plans” and I was realllllly bored! I kept thinking to myself, there is no Momstown this week, and no Red Tent…soooom wtf was I going to do with myself and the baby to keep myself from going crazy in my world of thoughts?! I did have a million and a half people to call Re:My Mid 20s crisis. I wanted to set up advisory appointments and call daycare, get subsidy forms…you know…..then the baby cried. So that hasn’t been very successful! Then much to my surprise, my week suddenly filled up! (mostly with stuff I had forgotten I even had to do!…I realllllly need a new agenda book to keep me organized…) That AMAZING girl AS that I met at Red Tent on Friday called me as G, N and I were leaving the mall after G’s Dentist appointment. I literally skipped and danced to the car because I was so thrilled, G looked at me like I had forgotten to take my crazy pills….We roughly planned to get together on Thursday (which would be tomorrow) but when I was talking to my Mom later on she reminded me that I had already scheduled with my BFF A to take her to her drivers test. SOOOO, I called AS back the next morning and we made plans for that day! She lives about 25 minutes East of me, and it was the most amazingly beautiful drive through the countryside. N was sleeping and she likes moderately loud music (doesn’t have to be lullabies! THANK-GOD) so i took the opportunity to listen to some old school music that put me in a really happy place. *sigh* I still get chills/want to cry thinking of how free I felt on that drive – but anyways, back to the main story. I arrived at AS’s house, (LOL, that spells Ass, but she is the TOTAL opposite, let me tell you!) and we spent the day with the babies and took a walk into “downtown” which is a strip of street with about 20 small locally owned businesses. We stopped at a small and quaint cafe and got some tea, and just talked and talked and talked. There is SOOOO much to talk to her about. She is relatively close in age to me, and we have the SAME parenting practices, which is hard to find in any Mom, let alone a younger one. My other friend L, who I have known since high school, is totally opposite to the way AS and I are as Moms. She formula feeds, her baby sleeps in his own room, she doesn’t even own a baby carrier, had a c-section, and uses disposable. We don’t have much to talk about, but still always have a good time in each others company because we were friends before so much hasn’t changed relationship wise, and mostly just complain about our DH’s. LOL. But with AS we could talk about breastfeeding, and baby wraps, our cloth diapers, natural birth, non-vaccinating, co-sleeping….and we also complained about our DH’s. [much to my surprise her DH is a well-known actor from one of my childhood favourite shows which I will not name because he "doesn't like stuff on the internet" - that's what he says to her when she posts pictures on Facebook - but AS and I agree, he isn't even famous anymore!....anyways..]. So all in all it was an amazing day, and I can’t WAIT to see her again I’m in “Mama” love….or something, lol.

Today, I had another date with a Mama who I used to actually party with at the bar [quite a contrast from the last time we saw each other all drunken and whatnot...now with babies, and she's pregnant with her 2nd!] we were never really direct friends, but hung out at the bar because we had a mutual friend [who was more like an acquaintance to me...but her BFF...doesn't even matter just filling in the gaps, ] We reconnected through FB and decided to get together to share each others babies. At first I was worried about going there for 2 reasons, a). She said she would bbm me when she was off work at 12, and never did. I had to bbm her at 1 to see if we were still on, to which her response was “Yea”….so I was all awkward because I didn’t even feel like she wanted me there, but then again she is pregnant, lol.. b) We were never really friends, and had never hung out besides at the bar, or when she would visit her BFF at my work [because we were co-workers, and that's how we originally met!]…SO when I arrived there, it wasn’t the most welcoming moment, [as it had been the previous day before with AS]. It was reallllly awkward at first, but as the afternoon rolled on, we sat on the grass in her back yard and just shot the shit about pregnancy, motherhood, and of course, the wonderful DH’s. Again, she lived North of me, so the drive there was mainly on country roads with houses that were acres apart from each other. It was really relaxing…I need more countryside friends until I am able to move there myself! [Until I am done school, I can't even think of moving to the country because there is not public transit to help me commute to school! ]

Speaking of school. A little update on my whole Mid-20s crisis…Its not really a crisis anymore. I am going to still continue forward completing my honours degree so as to not close the door to the opportunity of grad school and law school if that is really what I want to do. I am going to make an appointment with the admissions at the midwifery school to see if I were to take BIO and CHEM at the university level if I would be able to apply with them in the future, (which I’m sure I could). Then I will just take BIO and CHEM over the next two years as my electives and free choices so that I can still get my Political Science degree as well as leave the door open to Midwifery.

I was hoping for a more positive response from people around me, but reallly, only my BFF A was really supportive, even my mom was too busy playing games on Facebook to listen to me and help me figure life out. *sigh*….

If anything, the whole melt down has made me realize that I am too passionate about both subjects…and I’m wondering if there is anyway I could intertwine the two? Political Science/Law and my passion for birth and breastfeeding and parenting…….without being a family lawyer and having to see all the sad shit. You know? I’m sure you know.

I start my online classes in *gasp* 27 days! [26 days if you count today as Thursday since its already 12:45 a.m.] I am SUPER excited to get back to the [smell of] reading and writing, and fresh paper and pens *sniffs the air* YUMMM, but at the same time I am also worried that it will be a lot to handle with a 7 month old baby! I know I can do it though. If I could be pregnant, go to school, and work, I can go to school in online classes with a baby.

The past week I have been trying to stay up as late as possible and seeing how I manage throughout the day without G and taking care of N[since he is gone to work by 5:30 and isn't home until 5:30 sometimes 6, then by the time he eats and showers it's about 8.....but that's a whole other blog in itself..] It’s actually going a lot better than I imagined! So I know that every night I will be able to get at least a good 3 or 4 hours of homework/school in with only having to feed the babe once [or maybe even less by then because hopefully [*fingers croseed*] she will be eating less through the night by then because she will be eating more solids/baby food during the day? who knows..]

Speaking of the whole baby food, I have been progressing more, and getting a better response. Not so much spitting and sputtering now! She LOVES butternut squash and Sweet Potatoes, as well as freshly mashed bananas. and she doesn’t mind the Oat Cereal, but never eats more than 1 tbsp. I want to get some ice-cube trays this weekend [or empty one we have now] and steam some veggies this weekend and use the Magic Bullet to make my own fresh organic food. I know I will have the time to do it, so I figure it will save a lot of money, and we could realllllly use that right now!

Well, I’m glad to know that I can belt out so many words in only 45 minutes. At least I know that if I really set my mind to it [and know what I am talking about] all the 2000-2500 word essays [or longer sometimes] that I have to write for school will probably come easier than I expected. [P.S. this years motto is to TRY MY HARDEST AND APPLY MYSELF, I've been so slack the past 4 years, #I'mnotgoingtolie, and I still have a B+ average, but I want to bring it above an A so that I pass the bare minimum requirements for Grad school so that when/if I decide to apply I know I have a good chance of getting in ]

Anyhooooooo, Until Next Time!

R. Xoxo

[YAY, I finished a post in one day again! this is becoming my new trend! No more three-day-long-drafts sitting waiting to be posted!]

Mid-20s Crisis

I want to say I’m having a mid-life crisis…but I’m no where close to Mid-life, so I guess its a mid-20s crisis…geezee. i already had a mid-teen crisis…WHY IS LIFE ALL CRISISES?! (is that even a word? lol) I guess Buddha was on the money when he said that ALL life is suffering. It really seems to be true these days, but that doesn’t matter, cause I just try to focus on the positive so that I won’t worry about all the suffering (since it is inevitable).

Anyways, G took N to his Moms for a visit so while I am completely worry free I’m going to try to belt out my crisis. and if you happen to stumble upon this blog, please don’t hestiate to comment, because I am all for any advice at this point in time.

SO. Backtrack to childhood. Long story short, always wanted to be a Lawyer (more than likely becasue my grandparents instilled in my head that this is what I was to be, and should be for a good income -since thats their main concern apparently), BUT there were a lot of times, especially throughout highschool where I changed my mind a couple of times. At one point I even said I wanted to be an OB so that I could deliver babies (becuase even before I experienced it first hand, I knew that it was an amazing experience and I would have loved to have been able to bring babies into the world.) The one thing that deterred me from the experience was probably a bit of the unknown about childbirth (and thinking it would freak/gross me out..) but more than anything it was probably my lack of interest in the science and medical programs that you would have to endure to be able to do that. I’m not up for Med School. Law School MAYBE, but not Med school, even my DOCTOR who just left med school abot 3 years ago, says he would NEVER tell anyone to put themselves through all of that. (his parents must have pushed him ). So just stuck with the Lawyer thing. Fast Forward to university. Don’t know if I have mentioned before but I am currently at York University in my 4th year of (attempting) to get my Honours degree in political science….this was part of my whole “life plan” to go to Law school. Get my honours undergrad, go to grad school, go to law school, get my doctorate. Obviously school got put on hold a bit with the baby, ( I went to classes until December – N was born in Jan), and now I’m looking at AT least 2 or 2 1/2 years to finish this degree… When I was pregnant, I used a Midwife, because I had intentions to have a natural birth, and I just knew that they were more Pr0-choice than an OB/GYN. I was put n awaiting list, but much to my surprise got a call saying a spot had opened up! (so sad but happy, I hope the other person decided to go to an OB, and didn’t loose their baby or anything horrid like that). I met with my midwife, and it was insta love. i even remembercalling my Mom when I left the office and said that I wanted to drop out of school and go to Midwifery school. She proabably responded with something like, “just finish your degree you are working on now, at least”, and I’m sure I’ve never looked back.

Well now, I’ve been a Mom for almost 7 months, (longer I guess if you are one to count the pregnancy as being a Mom..lol, I didn’t really) and I’m really starting to get to know who i am as a parent and really overall as a person. Expecially with going to these Red Tent gatherings and reading womens blogs, and following cool mamas on Twitter,…I have come to find that this is kind of my niche. Something that I am passionate about in a way that is so different than how I am passionate about Law.

Last night I literally had a mini-breakdown because all of the sudden I faced myself with a horribly HUGE question of whether or not I actually want to continue to Law school, or if I maybe want to pursue this whole Midwifery Dream.

So I started to look into it, and it made life even more stressful, and hence led to my now Mid-20s Crisis…let me break it down for you.

• I am 4 years into my honours degree with at least 2 years to go (probably more because I cant afford childcare as a student so will need to rely on family for support).
• I need to complete my honours to go to grad school, and honours and grad school will look better for LSAT…. so thats 2 + 2 +2 = 6 years left of DEBT, to finally get a job…
• so lets say I do it all, which would be hard with a baby, I know, but I’m not saying that would stop me…BUT, so I get my law degree, etc….would I even be a good lawyer? I have no clue.
• I know I would be a great midwife. I have that compassion and I’ve been through natural birth and breastfeeding, and Its all something that I am very passionate about and want to share with other people.
• So admissions for Midwifery school, I need my GR 12 BIO/CHEM…which I DON’T have….NOR do I have gr 11 to be able to take night school or adult learning classes or whatever…an online course for gr 11 +12 Bio/chem is 499$! thats as much as a Uni Course.
• BUT if I apply to Midwifery school coming from Uni, I could use uni credits that are the “equivelant” to the highschool ones. (not sure what that would be? maybe intro to bio/intro to chem)
• AND if i were to do bio and chem, I could use them as elecives/free choices and FINISH my BA..NOT honours…which would mean no grad school…and probably no law school….So i would have to be pretty sure about that one…
• IF i were to do my bachelors, I would be done by the end of next summer and could apply to midwifery school in sept…and yea….but that could essentially mean not looking back.

SOoooooOo, needless to say I’m really lost and confused right now. I have no idea what to do. I’m going to book advisory appointments at my school and the midwifery school to go talk to some peeps and see what their opinion is…..I start crying when I think about it because I’m worried that I would be disappointing people. Then when I thnk realisticly, no one would be disappointed in me…except maybe myself. I’ve been striving towards this law school dream for the past 6 years…it would feel crappy to throw it all away (kinda)…

But the other day I was saying, “I don’t know where I messed up so bad that a 4 year degree is going to take me 6 years”…I know it wasn’t the baby, it was more because of work and commuting, I could never take a 100% course load. Now, I’m looking at it as maybe a sign?….because everything DOES happen for a reason…

But none of that really solves my crisis….*sigh* my thoughts are going in circles. and i just busted our 1300 words in like 10 minutes….I’m going to take the rest of my “free time” while baby is out with Daddy to shower and put away laundry.

Until Next time,

R. Xoxo

Just a thought....or two...

Today I decided to take the plunge and make my own baby food, and I started with bananas for two reasons.
1. N seemed to like the jarred version.
2. Already soft in consistency, and therefore easy to puree.
So I got out the Magic Bullet, chopped up some bananas and added a wee bit of water, and put the bullet to work! The result was an amazingly sweet sensation. (Sidenote: I know I have read places NOT to feed your baby sweet things at the start or else they will have a tendency to ONLY like sweet things, butttt, I figure Breastmilk is sweet – so they say, I haven’t tried it myself – and I know if I had been drinking something sweet for 6 months, going to eating mashed green beans would be a bit of a shock to the taste buds…just sayin’…) N loved it! I was disappointed that my wonderfully yellow puree quickly turned into a lightish brown/black colour (which I should have figured since most fruits do turn brown after cutting, e.x. Apples and bananas ), but I washed and sterilized some baby food jars and just stored the rest in the fridge, I will attempt to mix it with cereal later today or tomorrow.
So even though N seemed to like this, she didn’t seem to eat a lot, and she still wanted boob about 20 minutes after…I am so confused! I am not sure what to think/do with this whole food thing, and when I read stuff it just makes me more confused and lost in the situation. Also, I don’t know anyone else who has bfed as long as I have so I don’t know who to even ask for experience/tips or whatever…*sigh* I guess I will just follow my instincts as per usual. orrr, I could ask the crunchy Mamas at Red Tent tomorrow (if I go), because I’m sure some of them bfed for a long-ish/longer time.

Even though Bananas are a pretty simple recipe for some reason I still googled one. When I was reading, the website said that “Please remember that the recommended age to begin weaning is 6 months old.”. WEAN FROM WHAT? I haven’t heard of this “recommendation”. All I know is that according to the WHO you are supposed to bfeed for AT LEAST a YEAR, exclusively for 6 months, and up to 2 years if possible, (or longer if comfortable for mother and baby). So this is what I am saying about getting confused when I read stuff, because everywhere says something different! and some things are very anti-bfeeding, or if it even suggests breastfeeding, it will suggest along with it completely absurd things like “trying not to nurse your baby to sleep”, or, CIO….*sigh* society…

ANYWAYSSSSS, I’m going to go start making some dinner….anddd, I will be blogging later hopefully because i have something that I realllllly need to get out of my system!

Until next time,

R. Xoxo

P.S. I FINISHED THIS ALLL IN ONE SITTING feels good to start something and finish it

Breastfeeding

Last night I took some time to edit my posts, (for anyone who actually reads this one a regular basis…) And you’ll notice that I have decided to omit names. Its half a time issue and half privacy? My DH was freaked out at the fact that I have a blog that I will acquire stalkers if I use my/our names…so to make him happy (and save me time) I will just use initials and etc.
So baby N turned 6 months on the 26th of July! I have been exclusively breastfeeding her the entire time, and “they” say that’s the best, and then at 6 months to start introducing baby cereals and some veggies and fruits. I remember longing for the day when I wouldn’t be the only one who would be able to feed her, but now that the day had finally come, I was kind of dreading it. So far we have tried, Rice and Oat cereals, Peas, Carrots, Sweet potatoes, Pears, Banannas, Apples&Banannas…and all had pretty much the same reaction from the babe. *spit* *sputter**shudder* *cough* *gag* *spit out*….I almost feel bad?!!? I posted a question on a breastfeeding communitiy online at Circle of Moms, basically just explaining my situation and looking for some other Moms experiences and stories…and I have only looked at a few responses, but some said that their bfed babies didn’t even fully like food until they were weaned! Others said just to keep trying every day and she will get used to it, but if she still wants the boob, then give it to her! At our last appointment my doctor was all about getting her started on solids so “we can start to wean out her nighttime feedings”….but since the babe sleeps next to me, I somehow doubt that getting her to eat some veggies during the day would help her to sleep through the night… (and resist the temptation of boob that surrounds her!!??). So I have been trying to at least TRY to give her some baby food in the day to get her used to it, but I’ve noticed a couple more things that are somewhat discouraging me..
A) because she doesn’t like it, we are wasting A LOT of food, and we aren’t used to having to spend that extra cash on the babe, because we never have really had to before (bfeeding, cloth diapers, and all) so its kind of a shock, when the food gets wasted. I had intentions to make my own baby food, and we even received a Magic Bullet blender for christmas to help us with this endeavour, but I haven’t tried to yet, mainly time is an issue…but I will try soon..
B) Convienience/Time. Especially on a day when we have the doctors or something in the morning, its soooo much easier to just give the babe boob, rather than trying to force food down her throat. (Which usually ends in a bath because its all over her too)
C) I’m doing it. DH seems to get frustrated when he has to feed her “because she doesn’t want it” and “it takes so long”, rather than dealing with his complaints (which I don’t appreciate at all because if he hadn’t noticed I have lost over 300hrs EASILY from bfeeding for the past 6 months…so I know all about how long it takes, but anyways…) And then sometimes I feel like it would be easier to have this “explore” time during the day when I’m not worried about cooking for DH or getting the babe ready for bed, or whatever else chaos seems to surround me…so I just end up feeding her and I feel like that might not be working…its kind of confusing for her? I would think it would be…
But again, being a first time Mom I can only assume that this is how it goes for everyone because I don’t actually have any first hand experience myself…so we will just have to see how it goes from here. I am worried wondering how long I will end up bfeeding for? I want to follow the World Health Organizations (WHO) recommendation of bfeeding until 2 if possible. (Which I never thought I’d do, I always said I would “try” to bfeeding – assuming that there was a possibility I wouldn’t produce milk, and then I said I would only go 5 or 6 months….but now that I have experienced it my ideas/views have obviously changed )But I am kind of scared excited nervous curious to know how my experience goes. My sister seems to think I will still be bfeeding N when she is 4. And I reaaaallllyyy hope I’m not, but who knows really…and I probably won’t be upset if I have to.
The other night I was on Youtube watching videos about baby wraps and a suggestion came up for me to watch some video, “breastfeeding leigh at 28 months” and I’m not going to lie it intrigued me…since I feel that I might be in this predicament with N. Soooo I clicked on it and watched and it was kind of like an interview type thing, while the woman was bfeeding her baby, another woman was asking questions to her and whatnot. There were more videos of the same woman feeding this baby that were poping up in the “suggestions” column. To see what this whole person posting this was all about, I went to their Youtube channel. The channel was full of videos of women doing extended (toddler) nursing and even some informational videos (about vaccinations and whatnot). And before I continue let me give her explaination of why she puts these videos (which some may/are offended by) of nursing online. She used the story of Buddha, and how he went to see all of things he was sheltered from, etc. And she basically said (in better words than I am about to give) that she puts them online to give people more awareness about extended nursing so that Western society doesn’t see it as such a negative weird thing. Which totally makes sense! (Sidenote: did you know that the mean (maybe even average) age to wean worldwide is something like 4 years and 9 months….so really the West is really behind…) But anyways, I spent some time surfing the videos (I won’t lie), and I was trying to imagine myself in the same position nursing N when she is a toddler…and it doesn’t seem that bad. I espcially felt this after I watched the video on the channel called “20 steps to wean your 2 year old” (starring the same 28 month old L who was in the previoud video I watched so I already knew that these 20 steps obviously didn’t work) and let me tell you, it was sooooooooooo TRUAMATIZING!! I don’t want to have to go through that (really) it just doesn’t seem enjoyable for anyone! So I guesssss I’m basically saying I’m going to let N self wean..
And the whole point to this blog/moral of the story, is that I want to stop “assuming” things are going to be a certain way based on what other people have told me and their own individual experiences (and also from what I have read…). I never would have thought I would be so “into” bfeeding as I am now. I want to spead the boob gospel so bad! But people always think you’re a nut when you try, except the ladies at Red Tent.
Anyways, I will obviously keep you updated on how my whole experience goes, lol, that’s why I have a blog!

Until next time,

R. Xoxo